If Men are from Mars, Football Clubs are from... OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb

The circus that is the football transfer window finally came to end in early September following an excruciatingly protracted summer of speculation; much of which surrounded the move to Real Madrid of the former face of PG Tips, Gareth Bale.

   

(Above: Gareth Bale in one of his 
more conservative outfits...)

The window creates this fervour amongst fans, many of whom will have stayed up all night, pint in hand, drinking to the well known catchphrases and familiar characteristics of the evening's broadcast... 2 sips if Harry Redknapp is seen talking through his car window, 3 sips for every completed deal, 4 sips if Odemwingie gets locked out of a rival club's premises... each drink proportionate to the likelihood of the respective event... 15 lagers with triple whisky chasers if Joe Kinnear opens his cheque book; et cetera, et cetera. 

Come 23.01hrs on deadline-day evening, some are jubilant, many are tipsy, but most are either underwhelmed or frustrated by their respective club's business. However, even for those with revamped enthusiasm, perhaps your side bagged a Nigel Quashie, is there really any reason to get so excited? Doesn’t the deadline day fiasco just detract from the essence of the sport?

(.. less conservative. Enough
to make Liborace blush!)

Elite level football has become increasingly detached from its roots as commercial interests have taken hold, and the latest suave looking import from the New World, purchased on the final day to save face, may only serve to strengthen this issue. He will wear the precious jersey, kiss the sacred badge, represent the proud inhabitants of a town he's never even heard of, before invariably holding the club to ransom over his desire for an obscene wage increase (ahem, Mr Benteke). In addition, he'd rather spend a romantic evening with Alan Partridge than sign your overpriced piece of memorabilia; despite the fact you've sung his name all evening and then waited in a horizontal downpour for what seems like a fortnight.

And it's not just the players that have arrived on our saturated shores from far flung parts of the globe. The ownership of the Football League's 92 clubs comprises significant shareholdings for individuals originating from over 20 countries, and circa 30% of the clubs are under foreign control; including last season's top 4 in the Premier League. 

It might be the most insultingly obvious statement since Andy Townsend last opened his mouth, but the massive purchasing power and the overall investment that these owners have brought to the league hasn't been born out of the goodness of their hearts; and neither would you expect it to be (especially given the shady backgrounds of a number of the "fit and proper" owners). In the case of Roman Abramovich and Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, they may have sunk vast sums into Chelsea and Manchester City respectively, but in doing so they have thrust their name, and/or their brand, into the global spotlight that the Premiership creates. Football crosses language, cultural and religious boundaries, making it very easy to sell globally and making it a very attractive platform for marketing. Business Sense Magazine points out that though Roman Abramovich may have seen no financial rewards directly from his purchase of Chelsea, “he now has the eyes and ears of the European business world”.  

For others, including Manchester United majority stakeholder Malcolm Glazer, the appeal is more traditional; it's all about the money (and presumably... "it's all about the dum dum duh dee dum dum")... a Premier League domestic broadcasting deal worth £3.018bn over 3 years was signed in 2012, corporate partnerships continue to spiral virtuously, and there's a further £1.13bn distributed amongst those participating in UEFA's club tournaments... more than enough to catch the eye of a savvy investor.

You will note however that these astronomical sums are heavily skewed towards those at the pinnacle of the sport, creating a desire amongst stakeholders for a 'quick fix'. With no natural allegiance to football as a whole, yet alone any sense of belonging to the history, culture and geography of their newly acquired asset, is it any wonder that local/domestic based managers, players and even fans, are so dispensable? 

Manchester City is a prime case study of the evolution in football and the subsequent effect upon the incumbent followers. Having signed an agreement with Manchester City Council in 1998, 'The Citizens' moved from their scruffy but nostalgic Maine Road

(Above: Maine Road in its heyday)

home to the City of Manchester Stadium in 2003. As you would expect, this new stadium is a vastly superior facility, allowing for a greater capacity and increased corporate facilities, but at the expense of the romance of the old ground. As celebrity fan, and full-time sideburns cultivator Noel Gallagher said during an interview with Sky this year, "I miss the look of fear on opposing fans' faces when they've got to trail through Moss Side!".

In addition to the geographical move, the aforementioned takeover of the club by the U.A.E ruling family in 2008, following Thaksin Shinawatra short tenure, has produced a turnover at board level that has been reflected in the fluidity of the playing and backroom staff. Significant foreign appointments are now rife throughout the structure of the club; notably, Director of Football (Aitor Begiristain), Manager (Manuel Luis Pellegrini), Captain (Vincent Kompany) and headline signings (David Silva, Yaya Toure, Edin Dzeko et al). 

The combination of all the above factors leaves Manchester City virtually unrecognisable from the club that the long-term fans affiliate themselves with; what have they got left to support? Granted, unseen elements remain the same, but what's on show publicly differs hugely from the entity they grew up with. City are the footballing equivalent of Joan Rivers!

With the above model replicated to differing degrees throughout England’s football league, it is perhaps no surprise that a number of the traditional match going fans feel distanced, alienated, and exploited.

Sadly, though the old fashioned terrace going fans still consider themselves the spirit of their respective club, their value is diminishing. The disconnection of the game from its domestic working class roots has been a contributory factor in the increase in wider interest. With finances key, the sport has willingly drifted away from the traditional supporters and values, and in doing so distanced itself from the stereotypes that blighted football for a number of years. The new multi-racial, multi-cultural, and multi-economic background of followers, as targeted by clubs, unlocks huge marketing opportunities. This encourages Sky Sports and other broadcasting revenues, which, accompanied by the numerous corporate partnerships, generate much of a club's turnover now. The result... the "armchair" fan is king. A study by C.P. Barros and S. Leach (2006) stated that “an uneven playing field exists...  in which the market leaders, in terms of turnover, appear to be virtually guaranteed of sporting success”. 

(For those of you unfamiliar
with the lavish attire of the Virgo)

In the end though, the habitual and social appeals of the game will retain even the most disillusioned of fans; after all why else would I have cobbled together this piece, and why would you be wasting precious Strictly Come Dancing time reading it? Football has become the 24 hour, 7 day a week, soap opera that is totally inescapable! It's as dramatic as a Hollyoaks Christmas Special, as addictive as any of Pete Doherty’s hobbies, and as glamorous as the shiniest of John Virgo's waistcoats. As a result, we’ll continue to be messed around by fixture changes, deprived of our hard earned cash by faceless owners, and slowly relieved of our sense of belonging by the dilution of the club’s culture... but remain completely incapable of stepping away. Meanwhile the next emerging market will titillate those calling the shots, and football, through the medium of exorbitant wealth, will find an even more distant metaphorical planet to inhabit. 

- Has your club has lost its character and alienated its die hard support?

- Do you feel more should be done to protect the culture of your club?

Alternatively, 

- Do you embrace the overseas superstar and the entertainment they bring?

- Is English football better for embracing change and evolving to fit modern society?

Please leave some feedback and let me know what attachment you have to your club... AND whether the bond can ever be broken.

BC

Twitter: - https://twitter.com/BobbyCowsill

Facebook: - https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

As the Sun Sets on 2012/13...

As another season draws to a halt following the conclusion of the 'notly' anticipated Confederations Cup, the pale crumb laden armchair football fan is again thrust into the ungrateful arms of their loved ones, and/or cast out into the faeces filled countryside, and under the uncharacteristically Viagra blue skies of Britain's summer. And for the terrace going fans (both of them), it's time to swap the lager, Levi's and Adidas Gazelle's for either total wardrobe amnesia courtesy of 307 'Jagerbombs' in Magaluf, OR, for the more discerning fan (Roy Keane's prawn sandwich brigade), don the jaunty boater for a spiffing afternoon at the cricket pitch with Cecil and Montgomery.

But before all this family, great outdoors and sobriety drives you uncontrollably towards hari-kari, lets remind ourselves of how the last 10 months have been passed so pleasurably/tolerably.. (*Disclaimer - I am not responsible for the wellbeing of any masochistic QPR fan who chooses to scroll on..) 

Having outlined a football supporter's plight at this time of year I am reluctant to depress you further... but, in truth, this season's top flight was the greatest procession since every single Formula 1 race meeting at Monaco ever. At the right end of the table, serial champions Manchester United relentlessly ground out results without ever really dominating opponents, whilst at the foot of the league, QPR and Reading put up a level of resistance the likes of which only Paul Jewell or the French Armed Forces would be proud of: -

As a result, and as the table above illustrates, coming into the final Sunday, the only meaningful fixtures were those involving the Champions League aspiring duo of Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur... 

...And as predictably as a child movie star winding up at The Priory, Arsenal's plucky accountant driven outfit came out on top of AVB's Spurs - cue Arsene Wenger's hideously embarrassing over-celebration in which the 200 year old Frenchman squeezed the life out of poor Mikel Arteta ([literally] what had he done!?)

(note Mr Arteta's substitute
issue tracksuit top)

. In the interest of fairness, the justification for such remarkable behaviour was that in ousting their North London rivals, Wenger's Arsenal comprehensively proved the doubting press and public wrong... 
...finishing as they did 16 points behind top of the table Manchester United, and ending the season trophy-less for an 8th consecutive year! B-R-A-V-O. Still, the advancement to this season's knock-out stages of the Champions League, aptly named in Arsenal's case, had an estimated worth of £40m (according to a study undertaken by sponsors MasterCard). If Arsenal's aim is financial stability, and it is plain it is, then the mediocre manner of their qualification for 2013/2014 will be irrelevant to the football phlegmatic Mr Kroenke.

The season then, though splattered with the usual moments of individual genius (think Matthew Lowton strike vs. Stoke (see below)) and the odd multi-goal thriller, eventually something of an anti-climax; especially in comparison to the cardiac busting conclusion to the 2011/2012 campaign!

But it is perhaps not just the predictability of the outcome that will concern the Premier League's global followers...

The quality of the league in general appears to have declined, or at least stagnated, since the heady days of the mid to late 'noughties' - when our domestic game produced 6 Champions League finalists in only 5 years. This comparative decline was played out most tangibly in this season's Champions League where English Champions Manchester City, and the cup holders Chelsea, both crashed out at the group stage; whilst, as stated above, Arsenal stumbled in a first knock-out round which also put pay to the hopes of Manchester United (aided by someone masquerading as a referee).

Possibly buoyed by their own shortfallings during the Premiership's 'glory years' (2005-2009), the Euro-disco fraternity have invested heavily and appear to once again have established their superiority... as Bayern and Real Madrid evidenced in ejecting Arsenal and Manchester United respectively.

But what has changed?

Finances are an inevitable factor. I don't wish to patronise with a CBBC-esque economics lecture, but whilst UK PLC has been bogged down with toxic debts, the 50p tax, and a GDP growth model that emulates the terrain of the Bonneville Salt Flats, Germany [comparatively] has recovered and stabilized following it's own 2009 crash. This apparent monetary advantage has manifested itself in the Bundesliga producing Europe's largest attendances and also generating this year's Champions League Final duo of Borussia Dortmund & FC Bayern. (Bayern laying to rest the ghost of Chelsea 2012 and running out 2 -1 victors in the contest. Just one crown of a hattrick achieved by the lederhosen adorning institution this term)

It is not only the Germans who have seen their comparative spending power against the Premiership increase, however. As I touched on, the rise in UK top rate tax has accentuated the existing issue created by "The Beckham Law", in which non-residents of Spain are taxed at a flat 24%... I must point out, other tax breaks are also available. The result of course is that a UK based entity has to expend vast additional gross wage sums in order to match many foreign based players 'take home' salary. In an era of footballing mercenaries and global materialism, this wage disparity is doubtless a contributory factor in the Premiership's apparent slide.

Furthermore, the all conquering Bayern have brought quality individuals such as Javi Martinez (£35m) & Arjen Robben (£21m) into their respective league without losing the core of their side (Schweinsteiger, Lahm et al), and the two Spanish giants have matched them blow for blow. Whilst in England, the bundles of cash and beautiful weather on offer in Spain (how dare they!?), has led to significant departures from all of the Premier League's elite clubs; think, Cristiano Ronaldo, Xabi Alonso, Javier Mascherano, Cesc Fabregas, Thierry Henry.... Alan Hutton!?

This issue has been multiplied by the decline of former stalwarts of the League; England's supposed "Golden Generation". As Benjamin Franklin didn't quite say, "But in this world nothing can be said to be certain; except ageing and taxes". With time then marching relentlessly on, injuries, retirements, and gradual decline in influence, were all certain to catch up with this exceptional group of players... Let's face it, glaciers could catch up with certain members of this clique now (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gklWJk6z2A0). What perhaps couldn't be foreseen however, was the void in home-grown talent ready to replace the individuals listed below. Of those still playing, each is still regarded as the cornerstone of their club and would likely waltz into their respective national set-up if made available, or fit enough: -

• The opposing captains in the 2008 Champions League Final, John Terry and Rio Ferdinand (the victim of the previous link).
• The Chelsea goalscorer in the 2008 Champions League Final, Frank Lampard.
• Stephen Gerrard, who was Liverpool's captain in the 2005 & 2007 Champions League Finals.
• The Arsenal goalscorer in the 2004 final, Sol Campbell.
• The everlasting Ryan Giggs, who has featured in 4 Champions League Finals (obviously not a member of The Three Lion's "Golden Generation" - though most English wish he had been)
• Notable others: Carragher, Neville, Scholes, A. Cole..

In the absence of young domestic based players to fill the not insubstantial boots of those above, it would be natural to expect the cream of Europe's talent to act as the Premier League's proverbial Zimmer-frame, as has happened historically; cast your mind back to the purchases of Shevchenko from AC Milan, Hargreaves from FC Bayern, and Torres from Atletico. However, rather than stealing away our European competitors prize assets, in recent seasons the headline moves have been between domestic rivals - Nasri, Adebayor, Van Persie, Torres, Carroll et al. The net result of which is twofold: - 1. that the league as a whole is unable to progress, and 2. that the foreign clubs have kept their star individuals and built their stature in the game.

It will be fascinating to see how last season's poor performances, coupled with the extraordinary boost in broadcasting revenue, will effect the purchasing strategy of England's elite this summer... a renaissance may be just round the corner. 

FINALLY
In order to keep to my word, and to prevent the Samaritan's telephone lines jamming, I will follow an age old managerial format and conclude the dismal appraisal with a positive message...

Despite the apparent shortfallings in Europe's premier competition, and the mundane nature of the top domestic league's conclusion, there was still much to capture the imagination this term...

The football league has again been flourished with high attendances, nail biting action up until the season's final aimless punt, the level of managerial turnover you'd expect at a well known fast food establishment, and of course the silky skills of David Dunn... what more could any discerning football fan wish for?
  

In addition, Wigan showed us that the romance of the FA Cup hasn't deceased, like that solitary Wycombe Wanderers or Wimbledon fan in our local would have us believe, and is in fact as alive and as amongst us as Alistair Darling's eyebrows.

Heading into the FA Cup final, the soon to be relegated Wigan Athletic faced the then Premier League 2012 purchasers Manchester City, and honestly, you could name your own odds at the bookmakers if you wanted to back Martinez's XI on your way to the mental asylum.

But with spirit, courage, and even a splattering of talent, Wigan ran out historic victors against a lacklustre City side. The David vs. Goliath feel to the fixture intoxicated all, hence the celebrations in the location I watched the game wouldn't have been more extreme at a Wigan supporters club meet; something that was echoed the length and breadth of England (Stockport aside). 

(where's Wally? John Terry having again played no part
in the European final seen celebrating in full kit
 complete with shin pads, boots, ankle tape, VapoRub,
 captain's armband, Under Armour...
anti-racism wristband)

And finally, after all the aforementioned European mis-adventures, it would be a huge disservice to Chelsea if I did not mention their Europa League success. Having been unceremoniously bumped out of the Champions League, Chelsea capitalised on the fact that 16 of Europe's top sides were participating in another tournament; beat heavy-weights Steaua, Rubin Kazan and Basel; and emulated behemoths Middlesbrough and Fulham by reaching the prestigious final. They eventually ran out 2-1 winners over Benfica to cement their place as one of the top 17 clubs in this continent.. truly epic!

Thanks for taking the time to read my self indulgent blog.. I trust if you're a connoisseur of lists and/or mis-punctuation that you feel it was time well spent.. for everyone else, I send my sincere apologies and refer you to my reading list for an antidote.

BC
please follow at: -
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/
@BobbyCowsill
http://bobbycowsill.blogspot.co.uk/

2012

So ends 2012... And what a year in the sphere of sport it has been! Undeniably the most dramatic Premiership conclusion ever, European Championships in Ukraine and Poland, and the London Games, to name just a few headline moments.

But before I pick out a selection of highlights, culminating in an excuse to attach a clip of Ashley Williams’ attempted murder of Robin van Persie, and/or endeavour to crowbar Stephan Feck's Olympic dive into a football blog; it is customary at this time of year to first spare a brief thought for those who have been less fortunate than yourself during 2012.

(Above: Stephan Feck-ed up dive. I've done it, and in record time! We can all go and read Football365 now - phew!)

In fact, I personally fall into this isolated collective for which 2012 shall bruise like a punch from Claire Balding - my beloved club having been on the receiving end of a certain, now infamous, footballing moment. I feel it is essential that I remain impartial to prevent the alienation of sectors of my audience; however I can reveal, that such is my support for this given club, that if you sliced me open, I would bleed red! no, I really would...

   

Let’s start with the fans of our beautiful game based in the West of Glasgow - rivaled in their ill contempt for 2012 only by those who previously supported their now famished families through the retail of solar panels to inhabitants of these saturated isles. 
Rangers were liquidated in spring 2012 as the result of a declined CVA Proposal, and thus, the phoenix operation were demoted to the Scottish 3^rd Division for the 2012/2013 season; as dictated by precedent. The Rangers faithful are now likely to endure their bitter old firm rivals Celtic, strolling to Scotland's premier trophies for the foreseeable future... whilst they endure arduous away ties at Elgin City and Annan Athletic (http://bobbycowsill.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/follow-follow-on-we-all-follow-team-12.html) Still, at least the 'Teddy Bears' are now marginally solvent! (unlike John Carew and Lee Hendrie, who were both made bankrupt in 2012)

A large portion of Lancastrians had a rather rough year too - before hoards of burgundy chino and navy-blue gilet wearing home-counties folk pass eloquent comment... no there was not a national flat-cap shortage! (And it’s rude to stereotype) There was however, a notable shortage in silverware and points amassed: -

• Bolton Wanderers and Blackburn Rovers were relegated from England’s top flight... to the surprise of literally a hand full of... well Steve Kean maybe.
• Liverpool (part of historic Lancashire) swapped managers again following a flat 2011/2012 which culminated in FA Cup Final defeat.
• I won more at Paignton's penny arcade than Manchester United managed in the calendar year.
• Blackpool lost in the playoff final to a late Ricardo Vaz Te goal.
• and, Rochdale were relegated from League 1 after amassing a total of 8 wins in 46 games.

There was, however the small matter of Manchester City's first title success since 1968 to cheer up a portion of the county: circa 26,000 people according to unofficial records (47,805 less  the away allocation of 1,800, less 20,000 empty seats). A last gasp goal from Sergio Agueroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo an emphatic, and in many ways fitting, end to a roller-coaster season for the Citizens.

(the quality of this recording is absolutely no reflection of it's legitimacy)

Messi
Elsewhere, with a bitter-sweet undertone that conveniently ties my opening gambit to the core of the text in a fashion that is in no way contrived or tenuous... I am pleased to report that Gerd Muller has been given the all clear having choked on his bratwurst and sauerkraut at his vorort-einfamilienhaus in December. Reports surfacing from Germany suggest that the incident was the result of witnessing Lionel Messi surpass the 90 goal in a calendar year mark and hence obliterating Muller's 'untouchable' record of 86 goals, dating back to 1972. 

Though Messi's tally is impressive, and will subsequently be printed in the next Association Football Almanac, it's worth noting that despite his free scoring, the pint-size Messi remains some way short of Godfrey Chitalu tally; or so the highly respected Zambian FA claim. The African based association have launched an official challenge to Messi's new record, claiming their man bagged 107 in the same year Muller notched 86 (1972)... an equally valid claim has been made by one of the bigger boys at my primary school, who comfortably netted in excess of 400 goals during the summer term (witnessed by both 'Shirts' and bitter rivals 'Skins'). For completeness, an even greater number of notches in a 12 month period was clocked up by Englishman William Roache (AKA Ken Barlow), though no official challenge is expected.

Ballon d'Or
Sticking with Messi, as the ball so irritatingly does, he was confirmed this week as the 2012 FIFA Ballon d'Or winner for an unprecedented fourth time; thus categorizing him as not  just one of the all-time greats, but also as the undisputed arch-enemy of Cristiano Ronaldo... and Real Madrid.. and the Brazilian nation.. and of the ancient art of tackling.. and of goalkeepers (overprotected or otherwise).. and of football purists.. and obviously of scouts the length and breadth of Britain who still believe footballers should be over 15 stone and bearded by their 8th birthday. 
The award, traditionally given to the 'best' player in Europe (the caveat being: if no stand-out candidate exists then the player who has least affiliation to the Premier League triumphs), was presented to Messi at the annual ceremony in Zurich last week. Whilst sporting a stylish dinner jacket formed from forgotten fashionista John Virgo's mislaid waist-coats, the Argentine took the opportunity to thank everyone who will help him win the award in 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, and 2017... before he eventually fists the ball over the line in a World Cup quarter final, tests positive for Ephedrine, gains 5 stone, and winds up with $37 million in tax liabilities.  

FIFPro World team of the Year
As an entree to the individual award, FIFA also announced their 2012 World Team of the Year; or La Liga Team of the Year as it transpired: -

5 Real Madrid players (inc Casillas who is not shown), 5 Barcelona, and Falcao of Atletico Madrid the final selection. You will note the total absence of players based in any non-Spanish league structure, despite strong showings from a number of non-La Liga outfits during the calendar year:-

• Borussia Dortmund - German Champions, DFB-Pokal winners, and 2012/2013 Champions League Group D winners (beating Real Madrid, Ajax and Manchester City on the way). Hummels, Reus, Gotze, and Lewandowski all huge contributors.
• Chelsea - 2011/2012 Champions League Winners. I've seen more aesthetically pleasing dogs mess, but the Blues were effective and defended superbly at times. In addition, they put pay to Barcelona's hopes in the semi-finals. Cole, Cech, and Ivanovic crucial members of Chelsea's resolute defense.
• Bayern Munich - the beaten 2011/2012 Champions League finalists, who knocked out Real Madrid en route. Schweinsteiger, Lahm, Gomez et al key to Bayern's numerous near misses in 2012. 
• Manchester City - woeful in Europe but Premier League Champions nonetheless. Aguero, David Silva, Hart, and Yaya Toure some of the league's stand out performers.
• Juventus - Serie A champions, and Coppa Italia winners. Marshalled by Buffon and Pirlo.
• Van Persie - though not technically a club, he is however a one man team! RVP steered Arsenal to a cherished 4th place in the league in 2011/2012 contributing 30 Premier League goals along the way; before moving to Manchester United where he has been directly involved in... well everything (see http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/news/premier-league-united-mid-table-without-van-persie-113317544.html). 
• Bradford City - the Bantams beat an Aston Villa side who drew with Swansea; Swansea in turn drew with Manchester United; who comfortably beat Champions League winners Chelsea... take what you like from this, but statistics clearly point to Bradford being the best team in Europe... so why no acknowledgement in the snappily titled FIFPro team of the year?

You will note that a contingent of players mentioned above also had good showings for their respective national teams at the European Championships this year; traditionally a platform on which such accolades are chosen - Pirlo, Reus, Hummels, Lahm, Buffon, and even cAshley Cole performing admirably at the summer tournament..

Conversely, Pique and Ramos have had fairly average years at club level but were part of the European Championship winning Spain XI (http://bobbycowsill.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/football-round-up-19612.html)... undeniably a fantastic side, but I doubt an amalgamation of the best defensive individuals.

To add to the mystery, Lahm and Hummels were also overlooked in favour of Dani Alves and Marcelo, two players who made no mark at the International level during the calendar year, and whose respective club outfits were beaten by those of the German pair. 

Bearing in mind the above, it is no surprise that FIFA's selection has been met with derision from certain sections of the media... especially in Britain and Germany - And I have great empathy with the German argument. I do however have my doubts about the British claims...  The achievements of Chelsea in the Champions League were truly epic, but sadly not reflective of Chelsea's/England's current standing in global football. As I demonstrated earlier, one win over Barcelona doesn't make Chelsea the best team in the world; otherwise Bradford City have a claim - and I imagine only Dean Windass honestly believes the Bantams are "by far the greatest team, the world has ever seen".

Lacklustre Champions League displays by Chelsea this season support the damning prognosis. In fact, poor performances have been something of an endemic amongst all England's participants, and will doubtless contribute to the absence of their employees from the FIFPro World XI. Of the 24 games played by the Premiership's 4 elite clubs, only 10 wins have been mustered up (4 of which came from unconvincing Manchester United wins over glorified pub teams)! In contrast, the 'Euro-disco' fraternity from the Bundesliga managed 11 wins from just 3 competing entities... the results: - Bayern, Dortmund and Schalke topped their respective groups; whereas the Chelsea and Manchester City owners were left to console themselves with poxy super-yachts, and villas in the south of France...

FIFA Club World Cup

Whilst Manchester City's passports retired to the 'man drawer' to accompany the multitude of batteries that may or may not have any remaining power, Chelsea did at least get a shot at redemption in the form of the FIFA Club World Cup - A tournament that pits the winners from each football federation's premier club championship against one another.

Given that the Asian Football Confederation were given two representatives, Oceania entered Auckland City (a collection of the country's failed Fly-Halves), and that the African outfit were always likely to struggle in the absence of their trusty witch doctor; it was no surprise  that Chelsea were the most fancied to prevail. Sadly though, or joyously, depending on your persuasion, Chelsea suffered shock defeat to Corinthians in the final... and thus Benitez, and Chelsea as a whole, missed their shot at redemption.

Justice
And finally, as promised, THE controversial football related issues of 2012. As aforementioned, Robin Van Persie was nearly killed by a cold, calculated act of violence from Swansea centre-half Ashley Williams during December's Premier League clash at the (not generic in any way, fully enclosed, 2005 concrete built on a former brown-field site) Liberty Stadium; I attach a video of the incident for your analysis. *disclaimer: - due to the gratuitous levels of violence contained within the footage below, you may wish to purchase popcorn. 

Needless to say Sir Alex was typically reserved in his post-match analysis, "[it was] absolutely deliberate.  The whistle's gone, the game has stopped and he's done that a foot from the player.  He could have killed the lad - it's a disgraceful act and he should be banned for a long, long time" - good to see he's mellowing with age.
As it transpired, Ashley Williams was allowed to continue free of charge, in a miscarriage of justice the likes of which happen literally all the time.
I hope therefore you will join me in what I expect will be the largest quest for justice football has ever seen...

There is obviously a rather opposing member of the Proboscidea family in the room produced by the above text; that of course being the 'Justice for 96 Campaign'.  Though sombre, and not at all in-keeping with my usual pointless commentary on football, I could not end an article on 2012 without mentioning Hillsborough.  After years of campaigning and heartache, Liverpool fans finally had their names cleared when, on the 12th September 2012, the Hillsborough Independent Panel concluded "that no Liverpool fans were responsible in any way for the Hillsborough disaster". The findings have subsequently led to numerous apologies from prominent members of government, as well as the resignation of the Chief Constable of West Yorkshire Police.  Investigations are ongoing and political fallout is expected to be far reaching.  Keep abreast with developments by following:-

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2013/jan/02/hillsborough-disaster-inquiry-challenge-police

Thanks for reading. Please join/follow at the links below.

BC

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BobbyCowsill

Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

The Round-Up 29 November 2012

(the definitive Mo for Movember
- though I fear he may have raised
awareness of same sex relationships as
opposed to male health)

You won't be surprised to learn that the story dominating this week's football headlines has been Michael Owen's outrageous, 'I wear buttless chaps at the discotheque on a Friday night' style, mustache. The monstrosity, seen left, was thrust into the national gaze by his appearance on Sky Sports' Champions League coverage of match day five. I recall a certain air of disbelief filled my local drinking establishment as the broadcaster's cameras panned round to reveal Owen's hair ravished philtrum for the first time. Further, you could witness the withering of other rival facial shrubbery, and the associated wedding vegetables, adorned by many of the locals... Michael Owen, a man who until Wednesday week had been rumoured pre-pubescent, was now the shining beacon of manliness (I imagine a certain brown condiment company will be in touch imminently).

Unfortunately for Owen though, his valiant hair growing attempts appear to have been in vain, Chelski instead plumping for the textbook goatee fashioned by full-time waiter and aspirational manager Rafa Benitez (seemless continuity link there). The Spaniard replaces one time wonder-maker Roberto Di Matteo, ironically a victim of poor Champions League form, at the helm of Roman Abramovich's Chelski; and that, I'm told, is a FACT.

Mr Benitez, the once, or possibly current, sworn enemy of the Stamford Bridge faithful, was reported in Chelski's pre-match programme to have taken the poisoned chalice as "interim first-team manager" -Abramovich likely to resume his long-term pursuit of Pep Guardiola as the season draws to a close.

(Di Matteo again finds himself
out of work despite bringing success
to a club, and in spite of his
popularity amongst fans) 

Now I appreciate many high profile managerial vacancies have come and gone (predominately at Chelsea!) since Benitez parted company with Internazionale in December 2010; however, surely Chelski's blunt admission is an insult to a man who guided Valencia to two La Liga titles, and a UEFA Cup; as well as helping Houllier's Liverpool 'smash and grab' the Champions League in 2005.

To irritate Benitez further, the reception he received from Chelski's supporters during their game with Manchester City on Sunday was audibly, and unmistakeably, hostile - despite Benitez's post-match claims that he "had not heard" the boos (whilst simultaneously dabbing his eyes with a tissue from his second box of floral scented Kleenex). Still not satisfied with their new boss' mental state, in the 16th minute of the game, the aforementioned fans morphed in a manner popularised by Robert Louis Stevenson, from a raging animal, into a placid and sombre collective, in order to show respect and gratitude to the outgoing Di Matteo (formerly Chelsea's no.16).

(A jibe at comments Benitez made
about Chelsea during his
Liverpool tenure)

Di Matteo was not alone however in his race to Job Centre Plus on Monday morning; Mark Hughes, having been relieved of his position at lowly Queens Park Rangers, was following on behind - as his side have been all season. With 13 games gone (one since his dismissal), Hughes' former men have managed to nearly win a grand total of... A game. This frankly Derby-esque level of futility has left the club from West London seven points adrift of safety, and bottom of the Premier League (even behind Liverpool!). Sparky's replacement and the man drafted in to evade relegation, amongst other things, is 'if that had gone in, it would have been a goal' regular 'Arry Redknapp. Redknapp has already been observed conducting the obligatory drive-by interview through a wound down window; and heard building up the enormity of the job (only Harry Houdini and Redknapp himself can save them apparently)... we await the familiar yet obscure "top top" loan signings... Jorge Mendes will be rubbing his hands together.

Reverting to this weekend's disappointments, assuming that Redknapp's return to football isn't one, it's worth noting that none of the previous candidates; Benitez, Di Matteo, Hughes, Chelski's alienated fans etc, actually win the accolade for the week's most disgruntled entity. All are thoroughly usurped by a Japanese journalist hoping to attend the summit clash in Scotchland's mighty fourth tier...

So miserable was this man's plight that The Daily Mail even took time out of their busy scaremongering schedule to report the story, "Daisuke Nakajima packed his bags, booked his tickets and began a 6000 mile journey from Tokyo to Moray to watch the Ibrox giants [Rangers] take on Elgin City in the Third Division. But, after a 14 hour flight, an overnight stay in Edinburgh and a five-hour journey, it was only as his train was a few miles from Elgin's Borough Briggs football ground that he realised the game had been called off".

With no air of smugness whatsoever, I refer you to a previous blog post (Nostradamus eat your heart out!):-
http://bobbycowsill.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/follow-follow-on-we-all-follow-team-12.htmlh

(Nakajima shown above - it's
alleged this photo was taken on
the red carpet during the premier
 of 1984 film Karate Kid in which
he starred (still not there??)...
as Mr Miyagi)

It's clear that Mr Nakajima is NOT one of my regular four readers, as though the above report was an excuse to extract the Michael from the lower echelons of Scottish 'football', it did highlight a genuine concern I harboured prior to Rangers demotion... a fear that last weekend became a reality.

Mr Nakajima, along with several thousand other expectant spectators, was turned away from the Moray ground due to security worries. Elgin City Football Club, a club that usually caters for two home fans and their carers, seemingly incapable of coping with the demands of hosting a well followed outfit such as the 'Gers. Subsequent reports have revealed that the home ticket office allowed sales to exceed the ground's maximum capacity by circa 25% (meaning they sold 5 tickets I assume), forcing authorities to pull the plug last minute. The host's punishment for this logistical error has been a £25,000 fine, an order to pay Ranger's expenses, and the equivalent of an ostrich size egg on the face. Still, it's not all negative for those affiliated with Elgin... at least their team avoided the inevitable pasting; AND, given that the region contains the world famous Malt Whisky Trail, no one will remember the incident by now anyway!

Thanks for reading (scrolling to the bottom of) this article.
I would REALLY appreciate any feedback, and please please pass it on if you enjoyed it.
Thanks again.
BC
Twitter: @BobbyCowsill
Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

TRANSFER EXCLUSIVE ! (probably)

(Note the void behind his eyes, evidence of the completed medical)

I’m proud to announce, to both my readers, that despite lacking the resources of every competing football column, I have, what I am convinced will be, an exclusive story! It concerns a youthful Belgian piper, of the pied variety, who has spent the last months leading the proverbial rats round the Mountains of Twitter. Well, I can confirm that he has led us all to the river and over to The Bridge, in a deal worth £34 million in transfer fees and circa £398,218,176,927,128.35 per week in net wages. After tweeting first “Good afternoon, I made up my mind. See you later. Thanks”, he then followed up with the equally articulate, “I’m signing for the Champion’s League Winner”, before arriving at the Chelski medical centre for the customary drop and cough test.

The signing will be treated as something of a coup d'état by господин Abramovich and the Chelski faithful; especially following Hazard’s prior indications that he was to choose between the 2 dominant Premier League forces of United and City. In contrast, it’s a bitter blow to the aforementioned blue and prawn sandwich sides of Manchester, that Chelski have been able to usurp them for Europe’s hottest property since the jam in Pop Tarts, solely on the back of a Champions League win.

Hazard produced goals and assists in abundance (20 goals, 16 assists) for LOSC Lille Metropole last term, and the belief is that the inventive forward will have no trouble reproducing this form over The Channel; in the vein of Yohan Cabaye for Les Geordies. The intriguing thing however will be how his talents are accommodated by Abramovich’s puppet manager come Community Shield day; especially given that Hazard himself had previously outlined that any move would be dependant on ‘the project’ and guarantee of first team football.  

(Above: 'El Nino' following
Di Matteo's announcement of CL
Final starting XI)

As a sub plot, the transfer casts a shadow over a number of players, not least adopted German, Marko Marin, who agreed to join Chelski from SV Werder Bremen in late April 2012; prior to any Hazard contact. This is compounded by reports of Hulk’s imminent arrival, and the probable influx of various other members of the Avengers (Dempsey as Captain America?). With so many attacking options; taking into account Mata, Torres (seen right), Malouda, and Ramires, the only way to avoid mutiny may be to adopt the textbook 1-7-2 formation, presumably with Sony Playstation player, and 'Side-Show Bob' look-a-like, David Luiz as the sole presence at the back. But will even this brand of gung-ho football appease oligarch Abramovich? Or will the battle to retain harmony in a much evolving dressing room, of which Hazard is the new centre piece, cause Chelsea to fall short again?

BC

@BobbyCowsill

A few further points to ponder and remark on: -
·         Will Hazard be a success?
·         Are there really more 1^st XI opportunities at Chelski? or is he another mercenary?
·         Can the squad gel fast enough to bring Chelski back into Premiership contention?
·         Will the wage cheques prevent players becoming unsettled?