 |
| (Note the void behind his eyes, evidence of the completed medical) |
I’m proud to announce, to both my readers, that despite
lacking the resources of every competing football column, I have, what I am
convinced will be, an exclusive story! It concerns a youthful Belgian piper, of
the pied variety, who has spent the last months leading the proverbial rats
round the Mountains of Twitter. Well, I can confirm that he has led us all to
the river and over to The Bridge, in a deal worth £34 million in transfer fees
and circa £398,218,176,927,128.35 per week in net wages. After tweeting first
“Good afternoon, I made up my mind. See you later. Thanks”, he then followed up
with the equally articulate, “I’m signing for the Champion’s League Winner”,
before arriving at the Chelski medical centre for the customary drop and cough
test.
The signing will be treated as something of a coup d'état by
господин Abramovich and the Chelski faithful; especially following Hazard’s
prior indications that he was to choose between the 2 dominant Premier League
forces of United and City. In contrast, it’s a bitter blow to the
aforementioned blue and prawn sandwich sides of Manchester, that Chelski have
been able to usurp them for Europe’s hottest property since the jam in Pop
Tarts, solely on the back of a Champions League win.
Hazard produced goals and assists in abundance (20 goals, 16
assists) for LOSC Lille Metropole last term, and the belief is that the
inventive forward will have no trouble reproducing this form over The Channel;
in the vein of Yohan Cabaye for Les Geordies. The intriguing thing however will
be how his talents are accommodated by Abramovich’s puppet manager come
Community Shield day; especially given that Hazard himself had previously outlined
that any move would be dependant on ‘the project’ and guarantee of first team
football.
 |
(Above: 'El Nino' following
Di Matteo's announcement of CL
Final starting XI) |
As a sub plot, the transfer casts a shadow over a number of
players, not least adopted German, Marko Marin, who agreed to join Chelski from SV
Werder Bremen in late April 2012; prior to any Hazard contact. This is
compounded by reports of Hulk’s imminent arrival, and the probable influx of various
other members of the Avengers (Dempsey as Captain America?). With so many
attacking options; taking into account Mata, Torres (seen right), Malouda, and Ramires, the
only way to avoid mutiny may be to adopt the textbook 1-7-2 formation, presumably
with Sony Playstation player, and 'Side-Show Bob' look-a-like, David Luiz as the
sole presence at the back. But will even this brand of gung-ho football appease oligarch
Abramovich? Or will the battle to retain harmony in a much evolving dressing
room, of which Hazard is the new centre piece, cause Chelsea to fall short
again?
BC
@BobbyCowsill
A few further points to ponder and remark on: -
·
Will Hazard be a success?
·
Are there really more 1st XI
opportunities at Chelski? or is he another mercenary?
·
Can the squad gel fast enough to bring Chelski
back into Premiership contention?
·
Will the wage cheques prevent players becoming
unsettled?
