TRANSFER EXCLUSIVE ! (probably)

(Note the void behind his eyes, evidence of the completed medical)

I’m proud to announce, to both my readers, that despite lacking the resources of every competing football column, I have, what I am convinced will be, an exclusive story! It concerns a youthful Belgian piper, of the pied variety, who has spent the last months leading the proverbial rats round the Mountains of Twitter. Well, I can confirm that he has led us all to the river and over to The Bridge, in a deal worth £34 million in transfer fees and circa £398,218,176,927,128.35 per week in net wages. After tweeting first “Good afternoon, I made up my mind. See you later. Thanks”, he then followed up with the equally articulate, “I’m signing for the Champion’s League Winner”, before arriving at the Chelski medical centre for the customary drop and cough test.

The signing will be treated as something of a coup d'état by господин Abramovich and the Chelski faithful; especially following Hazard’s prior indications that he was to choose between the 2 dominant Premier League forces of United and City. In contrast, it’s a bitter blow to the aforementioned blue and prawn sandwich sides of Manchester, that Chelski have been able to usurp them for Europe’s hottest property since the jam in Pop Tarts, solely on the back of a Champions League win.

Hazard produced goals and assists in abundance (20 goals, 16 assists) for LOSC Lille Metropole last term, and the belief is that the inventive forward will have no trouble reproducing this form over The Channel; in the vein of Yohan Cabaye for Les Geordies. The intriguing thing however will be how his talents are accommodated by Abramovich’s puppet manager come Community Shield day; especially given that Hazard himself had previously outlined that any move would be dependant on ‘the project’ and guarantee of first team football.  

(Above: 'El Nino' following
Di Matteo's announcement of CL
Final starting XI)

As a sub plot, the transfer casts a shadow over a number of players, not least adopted German, Marko Marin, who agreed to join Chelski from SV Werder Bremen in late April 2012; prior to any Hazard contact. This is compounded by reports of Hulk’s imminent arrival, and the probable influx of various other members of the Avengers (Dempsey as Captain America?). With so many attacking options; taking into account Mata, Torres (seen right), Malouda, and Ramires, the only way to avoid mutiny may be to adopt the textbook 1-7-2 formation, presumably with Sony Playstation player, and 'Side-Show Bob' look-a-like, David Luiz as the sole presence at the back. But will even this brand of gung-ho football appease oligarch Abramovich? Or will the battle to retain harmony in a much evolving dressing room, of which Hazard is the new centre piece, cause Chelsea to fall short again?

BC

@BobbyCowsill

A few further points to ponder and remark on: -
·         Will Hazard be a success?
·         Are there really more 1^st XI opportunities at Chelski? or is he another mercenary?
·         Can the squad gel fast enough to bring Chelski back into Premiership contention?
·         Will the wage cheques prevent players becoming unsettled?