The Round-Up March 2014

A month has painfully plodded by since 'If That Had Gone In' last enlightened you with football related news. 

Since then the following mildly interesting happenings have... well, happened.

The League Cup

So easy to predict was the outcome of the Manchester City vs. Sunderland Capital-C for Cup Final that even Nostradamus and a couple of Mayans predicted it correctly - probably.

Any hope that the North East outfit harboured sadly vanished following the unfortunate 'getting-off-the-bus-gate'. Eye witness reports suggest that on arrival at Wembley the likes of John O'Shea and Adam Johnson stepped off the team coach as opposed to the Barcelona squad.

(above: Yaya Toure
at 7 months old)

To be fair to the Mackems they did themselves and their loyal following proud on the day. Their valiant display finally undone by moments of individual genius from City's expensive stars. Yaya Toure - a man so strong he can write his name in concrete whilst passing water - looping a sublime 30 yard strike beyond Mannone to cancel out Fabio Borini's early effort, before goals from Nasri and Navas closed the game out. 3-1 at the final whistle.

The result represents Pellegrini's first silverwear since replacing scarf-wearing, training ground scuffler Roberto Mancini. Eyes will now turn to the potential quadruple domestic treble double.

Robin Van's Spaces

Following Manchester United's now characteristic defeat at the hands of Olympiacos, Robin Van Persie took to Dutch media to voice his disappointment, saying "teammates play where I want to play". Unless I am very much mistaken, Van Persie was selected as a centre forward by United's aging-more-rapidly-than-Robin-Williams-in-Jack manager, David Moyes. Does this mean the Dutch maestro wishes to play centre-back or perhaps even goalkeeper?

Given the numerous glaring misses RVP has produced of late and his apparent unwillingness to break out into a sweat, perhaps Moyes will take the Dutchman up on his offer.

Alan Pardon't

There are many activities considered "badly-liked" (disliked) by the Newcastle United faithful and that if displayed by their leader would simply be unfathomable:-

- being "reet sweir" (tight) in the transfer market.

- being born anywhere considered "poncey" (soft but with homophobic undertones) - such as London

- pushing linesmen around simply because you "dinnet" (do not) agree with their decision - or took objection to their effeminate/"Southern" flag waving.

- squaring up to an elderly statesman of the game; such as Arsene Wenger say.

- crudely celebrating in the face of an opposing manager (even if they do have affiliations with the red and white mob from down the road).

- launching a foul mouthed tirade at a "gadgie" (OAP) that resembles Dave Allen (Pellegrini).

(Pardew - "I wanted just
to ease him away". Newcastle
high street must be quite
 a place when Pardew 
is shopping!)

- signing the nomadic Mekon lookalike, Gabriel Obertan 

Well, congratulations must go out to Alan Pardew who has managed to tick all the above boxes of this unsavoury list and still retain his job... for now.

Pardew's latest misdemeanor - a Romford kiss on an opposing player - leaves the ever popular manager with a stadium ban. 

Pardew duly watched Newcastle's abject display against Fulham on television from an adjacent hotel. A passer-by claims to have seen a 42" Sony Viera fly through the hotel window at around 16.45 hours (+ stoppage time).

This latest blight on Pardew's copy book - exceeding even the signing of Gabriel Obertan as a heinous error - surely leaves his long-term position in the balance. Should Pardew depart, who'll take a risk on a manager with more baggage than a member of TOWIE on an 18-30's holiday in Skegness?

Fit and proper Club Ownership

Carson Yeung, owner of Birmingham City, has been found guilty on 5 counts of money laundering by the Hong Kong courts. The value of the crime is estimated at circa £55m - roughly the equivalent of heating a moderate semi-detached house for a year.  

Given the stringent 'fit and proper owner' test carried out by the FA - in which a man from the FA asks "are you rich?" and the respondent claims "sort of" - this guilty verdict will come as a huge shock to the footballing community. In the same way Joey Barton's last sending off did.

For your attention, and in no way connected to my previous report on unfit owners, the following parties own or have owned English/Welsh football clubs: -

- Alexandre Gaydamak (Portsmouth - a former football club from the south coast)

- Thaksin Shinawatra (Manchester City)

- Venky's London Limited (Blackburn Rovers)

- Vincent Tan (Wales Dragons - as they are presumably now known)

- Ken Richardson (Doncaster Rovers)

- Assem Allam - (The Tigers)

Furthermore, Leeds United owner-in-waiting Massimo Cellino has also found guilty of tax evasion in the Italian courts this week. As a result, he'll be nervously awaiting the powerful, no holes barred response from the FA - or strongly worded fax as it is more commonly known. Given the unique way in which the Italian judicial system is run, don't be surprised to find the decision is over turned following appeal and that Cellino goes on to govern the country. With this in mind, expect to see him chasing Brian McDermott out of Elland Road very soon.

'T-R-O-U-B-L-E'

Celtic and Republic of Ireland striker Anthony 'Fools Rush In' Stokes has been charged with assault on an Elvis impersonator in a Dublin nightspot. Reports suggest Stokes saw the 'Stranger in the Crowd', took objection to the overrated songs and Evel Knievel-ripoff jump suit, before 'Steppin' Out of Line'.

The footballer made no reply to the charge at Dublin District Court and has been remanded on bail, with no conditions, on his own bond of 1,000 euros - a relatively 'Happy Ending'.

Stokes has been told 'He'll have to Go' to court for the hearing on 29 May 2014. In which he'll presumably apologise and claim 'I Feel So Bad' in an attempt to 'Patch It Up'.

Looking for an Heir

(Sidehow Bob- left.
Sideshow Mel- right) 

Barcelona's iconic caveman Carles Puyol has announced that he'll be leaving the Camp Nou in the summer after an incredible 15 years at the club. During his tenure he's played 500+ competitive games, collected 11 major trophies and not once tamed his notorious mop. Epic.

The papers - red tops admittedly - are claiming that his successor will be brought in from abroad rather than promoted from the infamous La Masia Youth Academy.

For follicle continuity, Barcelona's primary target is believed to be Chelsea enigma David Luiz. Coloccini is also a possibility, as are Carlos Valderrama and Mel Gibson in Braveheart.

And Finally...

German clubs have been roundly praised for their fans' vocal backing and their supporter focused structure, but it is not all sunshine and gum-drop smiles in die Vaterland - as Uli Hoeness will testify.

The unsavoury banner below was unveiled during Arsenal's recent clash with Bavarian outfit FC Bayern and was a cheap and distasteful jipe at Mesut Ozil (though utterly inappropriate I must commend the talent on show as the likeness to the Arsenal schemer is uncanny). 

FC Bayern now face disciplinary action from UEFA in this regard.


@BobbyCowsill
facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

If Men are from Mars, Football Clubs are from... OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb

The circus that is the football transfer window finally came to end in early September following an excruciatingly protracted summer of speculation; much of which surrounded the move to Real Madrid of the former face of PG Tips, Gareth Bale.

   

(Above: Gareth Bale in one of his 
more conservative outfits...)

The window creates this fervour amongst fans, many of whom will have stayed up all night, pint in hand, drinking to the well known catchphrases and familiar characteristics of the evening's broadcast... 2 sips if Harry Redknapp is seen talking through his car window, 3 sips for every completed deal, 4 sips if Odemwingie gets locked out of a rival club's premises... each drink proportionate to the likelihood of the respective event... 15 lagers with triple whisky chasers if Joe Kinnear opens his cheque book; et cetera, et cetera. 

Come 23.01hrs on deadline-day evening, some are jubilant, many are tipsy, but most are either underwhelmed or frustrated by their respective club's business. However, even for those with revamped enthusiasm, perhaps your side bagged a Nigel Quashie, is there really any reason to get so excited? Doesn’t the deadline day fiasco just detract from the essence of the sport?

(.. less conservative. Enough
to make Liborace blush!)

Elite level football has become increasingly detached from its roots as commercial interests have taken hold, and the latest suave looking import from the New World, purchased on the final day to save face, may only serve to strengthen this issue. He will wear the precious jersey, kiss the sacred badge, represent the proud inhabitants of a town he's never even heard of, before invariably holding the club to ransom over his desire for an obscene wage increase (ahem, Mr Benteke). In addition, he'd rather spend a romantic evening with Alan Partridge than sign your overpriced piece of memorabilia; despite the fact you've sung his name all evening and then waited in a horizontal downpour for what seems like a fortnight.

And it's not just the players that have arrived on our saturated shores from far flung parts of the globe. The ownership of the Football League's 92 clubs comprises significant shareholdings for individuals originating from over 20 countries, and circa 30% of the clubs are under foreign control; including last season's top 4 in the Premier League. 

It might be the most insultingly obvious statement since Andy Townsend last opened his mouth, but the massive purchasing power and the overall investment that these owners have brought to the league hasn't been born out of the goodness of their hearts; and neither would you expect it to be (especially given the shady backgrounds of a number of the "fit and proper" owners). In the case of Roman Abramovich and Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, they may have sunk vast sums into Chelsea and Manchester City respectively, but in doing so they have thrust their name, and/or their brand, into the global spotlight that the Premiership creates. Football crosses language, cultural and religious boundaries, making it very easy to sell globally and making it a very attractive platform for marketing. Business Sense Magazine points out that though Roman Abramovich may have seen no financial rewards directly from his purchase of Chelsea, “he now has the eyes and ears of the European business world”.  

For others, including Manchester United majority stakeholder Malcolm Glazer, the appeal is more traditional; it's all about the money (and presumably... "it's all about the dum dum duh dee dum dum")... a Premier League domestic broadcasting deal worth £3.018bn over 3 years was signed in 2012, corporate partnerships continue to spiral virtuously, and there's a further £1.13bn distributed amongst those participating in UEFA's club tournaments... more than enough to catch the eye of a savvy investor.

You will note however that these astronomical sums are heavily skewed towards those at the pinnacle of the sport, creating a desire amongst stakeholders for a 'quick fix'. With no natural allegiance to football as a whole, yet alone any sense of belonging to the history, culture and geography of their newly acquired asset, is it any wonder that local/domestic based managers, players and even fans, are so dispensable? 

Manchester City is a prime case study of the evolution in football and the subsequent effect upon the incumbent followers. Having signed an agreement with Manchester City Council in 1998, 'The Citizens' moved from their scruffy but nostalgic Maine Road

(Above: Maine Road in its heyday)

home to the City of Manchester Stadium in 2003. As you would expect, this new stadium is a vastly superior facility, allowing for a greater capacity and increased corporate facilities, but at the expense of the romance of the old ground. As celebrity fan, and full-time sideburns cultivator Noel Gallagher said during an interview with Sky this year, "I miss the look of fear on opposing fans' faces when they've got to trail through Moss Side!".

In addition to the geographical move, the aforementioned takeover of the club by the U.A.E ruling family in 2008, following Thaksin Shinawatra short tenure, has produced a turnover at board level that has been reflected in the fluidity of the playing and backroom staff. Significant foreign appointments are now rife throughout the structure of the club; notably, Director of Football (Aitor Begiristain), Manager (Manuel Luis Pellegrini), Captain (Vincent Kompany) and headline signings (David Silva, Yaya Toure, Edin Dzeko et al). 

The combination of all the above factors leaves Manchester City virtually unrecognisable from the club that the long-term fans affiliate themselves with; what have they got left to support? Granted, unseen elements remain the same, but what's on show publicly differs hugely from the entity they grew up with. City are the footballing equivalent of Joan Rivers!

With the above model replicated to differing degrees throughout England’s football league, it is perhaps no surprise that a number of the traditional match going fans feel distanced, alienated, and exploited.

Sadly, though the old fashioned terrace going fans still consider themselves the spirit of their respective club, their value is diminishing. The disconnection of the game from its domestic working class roots has been a contributory factor in the increase in wider interest. With finances key, the sport has willingly drifted away from the traditional supporters and values, and in doing so distanced itself from the stereotypes that blighted football for a number of years. The new multi-racial, multi-cultural, and multi-economic background of followers, as targeted by clubs, unlocks huge marketing opportunities. This encourages Sky Sports and other broadcasting revenues, which, accompanied by the numerous corporate partnerships, generate much of a club's turnover now. The result... the "armchair" fan is king. A study by C.P. Barros and S. Leach (2006) stated that “an uneven playing field exists...  in which the market leaders, in terms of turnover, appear to be virtually guaranteed of sporting success”. 

(For those of you unfamiliar
with the lavish attire of the Virgo)

In the end though, the habitual and social appeals of the game will retain even the most disillusioned of fans; after all why else would I have cobbled together this piece, and why would you be wasting precious Strictly Come Dancing time reading it? Football has become the 24 hour, 7 day a week, soap opera that is totally inescapable! It's as dramatic as a Hollyoaks Christmas Special, as addictive as any of Pete Doherty’s hobbies, and as glamorous as the shiniest of John Virgo's waistcoats. As a result, we’ll continue to be messed around by fixture changes, deprived of our hard earned cash by faceless owners, and slowly relieved of our sense of belonging by the dilution of the club’s culture... but remain completely incapable of stepping away. Meanwhile the next emerging market will titillate those calling the shots, and football, through the medium of exorbitant wealth, will find an even more distant metaphorical planet to inhabit. 

- Has your club has lost its character and alienated its die hard support?

- Do you feel more should be done to protect the culture of your club?

Alternatively, 

- Do you embrace the overseas superstar and the entertainment they bring?

- Is English football better for embracing change and evolving to fit modern society?

Please leave some feedback and let me know what attachment you have to your club... AND whether the bond can ever be broken.

BC

Twitter: - https://twitter.com/BobbyCowsill

Facebook: - https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

As the Sun Sets on 2012/13...

As another season draws to a halt following the conclusion of the 'notly' anticipated Confederations Cup, the pale crumb laden armchair football fan is again thrust into the ungrateful arms of their loved ones, and/or cast out into the faeces filled countryside, and under the uncharacteristically Viagra blue skies of Britain's summer. And for the terrace going fans (both of them), it's time to swap the lager, Levi's and Adidas Gazelle's for either total wardrobe amnesia courtesy of 307 'Jagerbombs' in Magaluf, OR, for the more discerning fan (Roy Keane's prawn sandwich brigade), don the jaunty boater for a spiffing afternoon at the cricket pitch with Cecil and Montgomery.

But before all this family, great outdoors and sobriety drives you uncontrollably towards hari-kari, lets remind ourselves of how the last 10 months have been passed so pleasurably/tolerably.. (*Disclaimer - I am not responsible for the wellbeing of any masochistic QPR fan who chooses to scroll on..) 

Having outlined a football supporter's plight at this time of year I am reluctant to depress you further... but, in truth, this season's top flight was the greatest procession since every single Formula 1 race meeting at Monaco ever. At the right end of the table, serial champions Manchester United relentlessly ground out results without ever really dominating opponents, whilst at the foot of the league, QPR and Reading put up a level of resistance the likes of which only Paul Jewell or the French Armed Forces would be proud of: -

As a result, and as the table above illustrates, coming into the final Sunday, the only meaningful fixtures were those involving the Champions League aspiring duo of Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur... 

...And as predictably as a child movie star winding up at The Priory, Arsenal's plucky accountant driven outfit came out on top of AVB's Spurs - cue Arsene Wenger's hideously embarrassing over-celebration in which the 200 year old Frenchman squeezed the life out of poor Mikel Arteta ([literally] what had he done!?)

(note Mr Arteta's substitute
issue tracksuit top)

. In the interest of fairness, the justification for such remarkable behaviour was that in ousting their North London rivals, Wenger's Arsenal comprehensively proved the doubting press and public wrong... 
...finishing as they did 16 points behind top of the table Manchester United, and ending the season trophy-less for an 8th consecutive year! B-R-A-V-O. Still, the advancement to this season's knock-out stages of the Champions League, aptly named in Arsenal's case, had an estimated worth of £40m (according to a study undertaken by sponsors MasterCard). If Arsenal's aim is financial stability, and it is plain it is, then the mediocre manner of their qualification for 2013/2014 will be irrelevant to the football phlegmatic Mr Kroenke.

The season then, though splattered with the usual moments of individual genius (think Matthew Lowton strike vs. Stoke (see below)) and the odd multi-goal thriller, eventually something of an anti-climax; especially in comparison to the cardiac busting conclusion to the 2011/2012 campaign!

But it is perhaps not just the predictability of the outcome that will concern the Premier League's global followers...

The quality of the league in general appears to have declined, or at least stagnated, since the heady days of the mid to late 'noughties' - when our domestic game produced 6 Champions League finalists in only 5 years. This comparative decline was played out most tangibly in this season's Champions League where English Champions Manchester City, and the cup holders Chelsea, both crashed out at the group stage; whilst, as stated above, Arsenal stumbled in a first knock-out round which also put pay to the hopes of Manchester United (aided by someone masquerading as a referee).

Possibly buoyed by their own shortfallings during the Premiership's 'glory years' (2005-2009), the Euro-disco fraternity have invested heavily and appear to once again have established their superiority... as Bayern and Real Madrid evidenced in ejecting Arsenal and Manchester United respectively.

But what has changed?

Finances are an inevitable factor. I don't wish to patronise with a CBBC-esque economics lecture, but whilst UK PLC has been bogged down with toxic debts, the 50p tax, and a GDP growth model that emulates the terrain of the Bonneville Salt Flats, Germany [comparatively] has recovered and stabilized following it's own 2009 crash. This apparent monetary advantage has manifested itself in the Bundesliga producing Europe's largest attendances and also generating this year's Champions League Final duo of Borussia Dortmund & FC Bayern. (Bayern laying to rest the ghost of Chelsea 2012 and running out 2 -1 victors in the contest. Just one crown of a hattrick achieved by the lederhosen adorning institution this term)

It is not only the Germans who have seen their comparative spending power against the Premiership increase, however. As I touched on, the rise in UK top rate tax has accentuated the existing issue created by "The Beckham Law", in which non-residents of Spain are taxed at a flat 24%... I must point out, other tax breaks are also available. The result of course is that a UK based entity has to expend vast additional gross wage sums in order to match many foreign based players 'take home' salary. In an era of footballing mercenaries and global materialism, this wage disparity is doubtless a contributory factor in the Premiership's apparent slide.

Furthermore, the all conquering Bayern have brought quality individuals such as Javi Martinez (£35m) & Arjen Robben (£21m) into their respective league without losing the core of their side (Schweinsteiger, Lahm et al), and the two Spanish giants have matched them blow for blow. Whilst in England, the bundles of cash and beautiful weather on offer in Spain (how dare they!?), has led to significant departures from all of the Premier League's elite clubs; think, Cristiano Ronaldo, Xabi Alonso, Javier Mascherano, Cesc Fabregas, Thierry Henry.... Alan Hutton!?

This issue has been multiplied by the decline of former stalwarts of the League; England's supposed "Golden Generation". As Benjamin Franklin didn't quite say, "But in this world nothing can be said to be certain; except ageing and taxes". With time then marching relentlessly on, injuries, retirements, and gradual decline in influence, were all certain to catch up with this exceptional group of players... Let's face it, glaciers could catch up with certain members of this clique now (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gklWJk6z2A0). What perhaps couldn't be foreseen however, was the void in home-grown talent ready to replace the individuals listed below. Of those still playing, each is still regarded as the cornerstone of their club and would likely waltz into their respective national set-up if made available, or fit enough: -

• The opposing captains in the 2008 Champions League Final, John Terry and Rio Ferdinand (the victim of the previous link).
• The Chelsea goalscorer in the 2008 Champions League Final, Frank Lampard.
• Stephen Gerrard, who was Liverpool's captain in the 2005 & 2007 Champions League Finals.
• The Arsenal goalscorer in the 2004 final, Sol Campbell.
• The everlasting Ryan Giggs, who has featured in 4 Champions League Finals (obviously not a member of The Three Lion's "Golden Generation" - though most English wish he had been)
• Notable others: Carragher, Neville, Scholes, A. Cole..

In the absence of young domestic based players to fill the not insubstantial boots of those above, it would be natural to expect the cream of Europe's talent to act as the Premier League's proverbial Zimmer-frame, as has happened historically; cast your mind back to the purchases of Shevchenko from AC Milan, Hargreaves from FC Bayern, and Torres from Atletico. However, rather than stealing away our European competitors prize assets, in recent seasons the headline moves have been between domestic rivals - Nasri, Adebayor, Van Persie, Torres, Carroll et al. The net result of which is twofold: - 1. that the league as a whole is unable to progress, and 2. that the foreign clubs have kept their star individuals and built their stature in the game.

It will be fascinating to see how last season's poor performances, coupled with the extraordinary boost in broadcasting revenue, will effect the purchasing strategy of England's elite this summer... a renaissance may be just round the corner. 

FINALLY
In order to keep to my word, and to prevent the Samaritan's telephone lines jamming, I will follow an age old managerial format and conclude the dismal appraisal with a positive message...

Despite the apparent shortfallings in Europe's premier competition, and the mundane nature of the top domestic league's conclusion, there was still much to capture the imagination this term...

The football league has again been flourished with high attendances, nail biting action up until the season's final aimless punt, the level of managerial turnover you'd expect at a well known fast food establishment, and of course the silky skills of David Dunn... what more could any discerning football fan wish for?
  

In addition, Wigan showed us that the romance of the FA Cup hasn't deceased, like that solitary Wycombe Wanderers or Wimbledon fan in our local would have us believe, and is in fact as alive and as amongst us as Alistair Darling's eyebrows.

Heading into the FA Cup final, the soon to be relegated Wigan Athletic faced the then Premier League 2012 purchasers Manchester City, and honestly, you could name your own odds at the bookmakers if you wanted to back Martinez's XI on your way to the mental asylum.

But with spirit, courage, and even a splattering of talent, Wigan ran out historic victors against a lacklustre City side. The David vs. Goliath feel to the fixture intoxicated all, hence the celebrations in the location I watched the game wouldn't have been more extreme at a Wigan supporters club meet; something that was echoed the length and breadth of England (Stockport aside). 

(where's Wally? John Terry having again played no part
in the European final seen celebrating in full kit
 complete with shin pads, boots, ankle tape, VapoRub,
 captain's armband, Under Armour...
anti-racism wristband)

And finally, after all the aforementioned European mis-adventures, it would be a huge disservice to Chelsea if I did not mention their Europa League success. Having been unceremoniously bumped out of the Champions League, Chelsea capitalised on the fact that 16 of Europe's top sides were participating in another tournament; beat heavy-weights Steaua, Rubin Kazan and Basel; and emulated behemoths Middlesbrough and Fulham by reaching the prestigious final. They eventually ran out 2-1 winners over Benfica to cement their place as one of the top 17 clubs in this continent.. truly epic!

Thanks for taking the time to read my self indulgent blog.. I trust if you're a connoisseur of lists and/or mis-punctuation that you feel it was time well spent.. for everyone else, I send my sincere apologies and refer you to my reading list for an antidote.

BC
please follow at: -
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/
@BobbyCowsill
http://bobbycowsill.blogspot.co.uk/

PREMIERSHIP 2012/13 - A Forecast

The start to the 2012/2013 Premiership season has begun in the same surprising vein as the Olympics departed in – the epic hype, an escalating budget, and the weather forecast predicting doomsday levels of precipitation; somehow producing an Olympics which was, well... superb (how very un-British! We’re far more comfortable when things are just a little bit crap (see British Leyland)).

With this in mind, followers of certain clubs will certainly be feeling content with their inauguration; the likes of QPR and Norwich both slumping to heavy opening day defeats. Conversely Swansea City fans will be rather embarrassed by their start... how crass it is to win in such style.

Having studied the prospective squads, and taken account of the differing fortunes of the competing entities thus far, I have formulated my prediction for the coming season and my rationale behind the irrational.

      

Here's how the top of the table could have turned out (until I predicted it) (the rest of the table can be found in my subsequent blogs so keep an eye out for your side) : -

Position	Club
C	Manchester City
2	Manchester United
3	Chelsea
4	Liverpool
5	Arsenal
6	Everton
7	Tottenham Hotspur
8	Newcastle United

MANCHESTER CITY

Roberto Mancini may have an English vocabulary comparative to Tinky-Winky, but he’s certainly grasped the English art of moaning; most of his summer frustration aimed at Sporting Director, Brian Marwood, over the lack of transfer activity - Marwood proving a rather safer target than chairman, and signatory, Khaldoon al Mubarak.

Despite the whinging, City have a wealth of talent; the confidence that comes from being incumbent champions; and have still spent in excess of £10m on Jack Rodwell. In addition, there were further acquisitions on transfer deadline day; including, Fiorentina’s Nastasic, and the completion of Scott Sinclair’s protracted transfer from Swansea. The picturesque Carlos Tevez has also returned to Manchester (once the air-stewardess and Zabaleta finally persuaded him to get up out of his seat) and has started superbly; picking up the opener in City’s tussle with Southampton, and the equaliser against Liverpool last weekend.

With all these factors in mind, it’s difficult to see past City in the 2012/2013 race for the title... The strength in depth and ability to spend in January if required, meaning that City will doubtless be the bookies favourites.

Their rivals will be focusing on their weaknesses though – City’s play can be rather one dimensional at times; narrow and patient, yet there were times last season when City fans were crying out for plan b (though I’m not 100% sure what his unique amalgamation of song and rap could have done to influence events). The departure of Adam Johnson to Sunderland could possibly highlight the lack of natural width further, as well as highlight Mancini’s single minded approach.

MANCHESTER UNITED

Manchester City’s rivals from just across the Atlantic could well prove to be their sternest on field test. The Manchester Red Devils have added to last year’s roster by drafting offenseman RVP (as their Designated Player (probably)), quarterback Kagawa, cornerback Buttner, and rookies Powell and Henriquez.

At certain stages of last season, Rooney’s points (goals and assists) carried United, and winningest Head Coach, Sir Alex Ferguson, will be hoping that Van Persie can ease this burden by repeating the stats that saw him earn the “Rocket” Richard Trophy in the 2011/2012 season. 

In addition, Kagawa can not only sell condominiums full of jerseys in the Far East (site of a great US victory between 1955 & 1975), he has also proved in pre-season that he has an eye for a pass; and therefore that he could be the creative spark in the neutral zone that United have missed in the past few seasons.

Kagawa got his full debut as The Reds went 0 & 1 in a disappointing opening match-up with the Toffees; a soccer match dominated by Fellaini. The Reds did recover against Full-Ham however, and new signings RVP and Kagawa netted in a 3 to 2 win; RVP’s dunk an awesome volley from just inside the 18 yard line. The win was however marred by a bogus injury to strong-arm centre, Rooney. 3 league points so far but more to come...

After all, United struggled in certain regular season fixtures last year, as well as all 4 knock-out trophies; and this was at least in part due to lacking the marquee names in the first line - no one doubted the squad as a whole, but the 1st team didn't match-up against some of their rivals. It’s clear though that RVP and Kagawa strengthen that team sheet substantially; and with the rookies to bed in, defensive lineman Ferdinand and Evans to return, United are almost certain to improve. Expect to see Fergie’s men in league contention right up to the wire... before 2 overtime markers deny them. O-M-G, enough already!

CHELSEA

If you’re an expensive foreign footballer, you’ve been linked with and/or signed for Chelsea during the summer break: - Hulk, a pair of Hazards, Schurrle, Dempsey, Azpilicueta, Van Der Wiel, Falcao, Marin, Oscar... Santi Munez. Which of these names has actually signed on the dotted line is known only by Mr Abramovich; we can safely assume Roberto Di Matteo had nothing to do with it.

I have seen Eden Hazard run out for Chelsea though, and very impressive he has been too – directly contributing to 5 of Chelsea’s 8 goals so far this season – leading to whispers around the Bridge that only Eden Hazard’s ego is greater than his ability.

Despite huge concerns over the lack of options at centre forward following the departures of Drogba and Lukaku, a factor that I predict will prevent them actually winning the title this season, their squad does look strong and therefore they can’t be written off entirely.

 In addition, their ploy of playing more games than all the other Premier League teams looks on paper to be bomb-proof; they already find themselves 3 points clear having implemented this.

LIVERPOOL
Former football team Liverpool, have once again changed their management in the hope that their mediocre squad miraculously grow perms and tashes, slip into some tiny shorts, and relive the 80’s. Brendan Rodgers the latest man through the revolving door at Anfield; an alarming choice of entrance given the area’s reputation.

Having started abysmally against West Brom; losing 3 nil! Rodgers’ philosophy of ticky-tacky football was far more evident against City last weekend. Obviously their display was no Barcelona or Swansea, but the performances of Joe Allen and Raheem Sterling will be very encouraging to the scouse faithful.

Unfortunately however, the change of mind-set was also Liverpool’s eventual downfall against City; Skrtel gifting a back-pass to the lovable Tevez when attempting to retain possession.

IF Rodgers can instil his beliefs into the playing staff, Liverpool fans can expect to see some entertaining football at Anfield this year; and finally see some better results. I personally think they’re some way adrift of the aforementioned 3 outfits and are therefore locked in a battle for that precious 4^th place spot and Champions League qualification - especially given the lack of players into the club this summer, when compared to the exodus out.

It's likely to be a ‘do or die’ season for Liverpool, expect to see them either riding high or in no-mans land. Personally, I anticipate them shaking off their poor recent form and excelling under Rodgers' guidance... just not this year.

ARSENAL

Returning to my theory that Brits are happiest when things are mediocre, there must be every chance that Arsenal fans are the most content individuals in the country. After a somewhat lacklustre performance against Sunderland on the opening day, in which they created very little, Wenger’s much changed outfit took the Megabus (there are other bus services available) to Stoke-on-Trent. The outcome of their 2^nd fixture was a similarly flat performance. In fact the majority of the action was on the terraces, where t-shirts had been printed up by Stoke City fans mocking the Arsenal boss, and sporadically throughout the 90 minutes both sets of fans did the ‘Wenger’ – an exaggerated shrug/arm wave that is sure to be a dance-floor sensation. 

So, two games into the new season and two nil-nil draws against mid table sides; hardly top 4 form. There are positives for Wenger to take though; defending has become Arsenal’s Achilles Heel over the past few seasons, yet the usually fragile back five have yet to concede a goal. In addition, new boy Santi Cazorla has been very tidy in possession, as you’d expect from a Spanish attacking midfielder, and given time to gel with the other new bodies around him, could prove to be Arsenal’s pivotal player.

It cannot go unmentioned however, that Arsenal have allowed another key figure to leave the dressing room. Following the departures of Adebayor, Toure, Clichy, and Nasri to Premiership rivals; and Fabrgas and Song to Barcelona; last season’s top marksman Van Persie has now said a frosty farewell to the Emirates and signed for Manchester United - If the opening games are anything to go by, RVP will be much missed... Giroud. Donkey. Arse. Banjo... spring to mind.

The lack of goal threat, and the general slump in club morale, is the reason I feel Arsenal will finally miss out on Champions League qualification this season - following on-field failure expect to see Arsenal Holdings PLC employ numerous overpaid consultants before deciding there's more money to be made in other market sectors.

EVERTON

True to form The Toffees have had a slow start to the new season; taking a full 57 minutes to find the back of United’s net in a 1- 0 win - The scorer, 8’ 5” Side Show Bob doppelganger, Marouane Fellaini.  The result was no more than Everton deserved from a dogged, well organised display in which the aforementioned Fellaini tormented the Red Devils.

This form was then carried into last weekend’s game at Villa Park, in which Moyes’ men took apart a hapless Aston Villa. Evertonians could barely believe their eyes as their side cruised to a 3 goal advantage at half time; the pick of the goals a ‘worldy’ (appealing to the lowest common denominator there) from Pienaar. So impressive was the first half performance that the usually dower David Moyes pointed out to the BBC that, “I don’t think you’ll have enough viewing time to show all the chances [that were created in the first half]”. 

With Fellaini in such rampant form, Pienaar reinstalled on a permanent basis, and a number of 11th hour deals on deadline day, things are looking rosy in the blue corner of Stanley Park. In addition, the possible resolution of a long standing centre forward scarcity means for the first time since Cadamarteri, Jeffers, Ferguson, and Madar, Everton commence the season with a number of available and/or quality centre forwards at the club; see Jelavic, Naismith, Miralles, Vellios, and Anichebe (I must stress the “available and/or quality”).

I have predicted a final position of 6^th but given the scouser’s ‘form’ there’s every chance they’ll steal a position higher up.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

Player’s Manager of the Year nominee Andre Villas Boas has taken over the Tottenham reins from the squeaky clean, Droopy the Dog impersonator ‘Arry Redknapp. Unfortunately for AVB, the team’s inauspicious start has already forced hoards of fans onto the phone-in’s to question Mr Levy’s pick.

The opener was a 2 – 1 defeat at the hands of Les Geordies, and game 2 a goalless home draw with an un-fancied WBA side.

In spite of these flat results, and the concerns of numerous fans about Modric’s departure and AVB’s arrival, I believe like last year Spurs will again push hard but probably finish just shy of Champions League qualification. Multiple deals on the final day, including the purchase of Lloris, and Dempsey (proven international players), can only solidify Spurs as a top 4 chasing side, but I'm afraid I too remain unconvinced by AVB’s management style. An essential part of modern club management entails the motivation, and extraction of respect from, the overpaid egomaniacs that call themselves the playing staff (despite the fact the majority never play and thus have yet to achieve anything in life); however, I’m dubious of AVB’s ability to shine in this department (see Chelsea). He may well have an astute knowledge of international football and tactics, but will he provide the right guidance to propel Spurs? I doubt it...

NEWCASTLE UNITED

Given that magpies are so partial to shiny objects, Newcastle have been alarmingly profligate; their last piece of silverware the Fairs Cup in 1969. Despite a sterling performance last season and a solid start to this; a 2 - 1 home win against fellow 4th place aspirer's Tottenham Hotspur the highlight; it's a certainty that Newcastle United will be without the illusive league title for a further year.

This comment is however worthless, as Pardew's Foreign Legion will be aiming for European qualification primarily; with potential for success in a domestic cup competition.

The squad has been strengthened slightly by the acquisitions of Anita et al; but their great transfer success has been the retention of Ba, Tiote, Cisse and  Coloccini. Though Cisse is unlikely to repeat his stunning form of last season, there is no doubt that in their two Senegalese forwards Newcastle have two of the best in the business. The aforementioned names will surely fire the Magpies to another respectable season; though I predict the wave of momentum that carried them to near Champions League qualification will not be repeated this term.

Thanks for reading

BC

@BobbyCowsill

Facebook group, "if that had gone in it would have been a goal"

http://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

Please share and provide comments... or abuse.