The Round-Up February 2014

Although I have splattered the World Wide Web with my un-unique brand of literary tripe, I have not proverbially vomited on 'if that had been a goal' for some time... I'm sure you've all missed it like Sunderland fans miss Paulo Di Canio.

Well, for the poor lonely soul out there that genuinely reads my self-absorbent patter, here's a round-up of the latest essential news from within the world of football: -

Tan’ed

(Vincent Tan looking more sinister
than a 70's TV star)

Vincent Tan has declared that just about everything at his beloved Cardiff City should centre on the number 8 - including the preferential signing of staff with the number somewhere in their birth-date. Given that Mr Tan has already fired a perfectly capable manager, changed the colour of Cardiff City's home kit and inexplicably jettisoned the club's director of recruitment, it is surely only a matter of time before the man who takes all his style tips from the bad guys in bond films appoints himself to the managerial role and converts the pitch to an octagon.

Now, I ain't saying she's a gold digger!

It is hugely disappointing to hear of young players with the world at their feet being sucked up by the party lifestyle of booze, VIP clubs and glamorous girls - such hardships they face at such a testosterone driven age. Well, Adnan Januzaj may be an individual on the road to football stardom but refreshingly he hasn't let his new-found wealth and fame go to his head - presumably because he's physically about 10 years old and still suffers the wrath of his mother. The baby-faced United starlet, when confronted with a 25 year old 'lovely' from Liverpool, pondered Rosso, Wings and Australasia before deciding to don a pair of 'trackie-b's' and head to Nando’s. Bizarrely, the high-heeled shoes and cocktail dress ensemble adopted by his date was considered too sophisticated for such a cheap establishment and the girl in her anger sold her story of mal-treatment to the papers. Imagine, a wannabe WAG, 6 years Januzaj's senior, from the bedrock of class (Liverpool), selling her story and then complaining of being treated in a “stingy” manner. Such is the regard in which Januzaj is now held by the culture vultures that fill the terraces up and down the country that the news of his dating disaster has been met with uncompromising support. He was even welcomed to the playing field at Old Trafford by chants of "let’s all go to Nando’s, let’s all go to Nando’s" – the restaurant chain simply couldn't buy that kind of publicity! Their gift to Januzaj..? An offer of a free meal if he takes anyone else on a date there (the mysterious “anyone else” is sure to be an improvement).

An-der-gone-gone-gone

Talking of Nando's frequenters, Anderson, now known as 'Andow', has departed for the sunny and frequently corrupt climes of Italian football. His fitness and attitude must have been akin to Homer Simpson if he was surplus to the requirements of Manchester United's midfield! Andow, if you are a reader, the restaurateurs of Florence - sporting sharp new Armani suits and swinging the keys to shiny new sports cars - asked me to pass on a huge welcome!

Kinnear departs after what he’s told the press was 2 successful years of a 6 month tenure

(that's a bit harsh... on clowns)

Elsewhere, Joe Kinnear left his post as the Chief Abuse Deflector at Newcastle United this week - It is expected that Mike Ashley himself will now slide perfectly into the void left by the departure. It should be mentioned though that in losing Kinnear, Newcastle don’t just lose a popular figure, they also wave goodbye to his extensive contact book – he is known to communicate regularly with Sir Alex and has a relationship with every manager to have ever walked the earth. These special relationships were evident throughout his stint at the Tyneside club, and a fear must now exist that Newcastle United will resume normal transfer activity going forward (involving signing players and everything!). Joe Kinnear on the other-hand will claim he never worked at Newcastle at all, before further mirroring the career path of Geoffrey Archer.

Kall-storm

Arsenal are renowned for their unusual transfer policy, but the signing of Kim Kallstrom has even baffled Arsene Wenger himself! Deadline day is the football equivalent of shopping on Christmas Eve and inevitably compromises must be made – i) Arsenal are initially unable to secure Draxler in time; so, ii) they fail in the pursuit of Vucinic; thus iii) Arsenal presumably decide there's not one fit football player available... cue iv) Wenger considers Kim Kallstrom - He'll do nicely they say. Reports surfacing from my imagination suggest Wenger was knee deep in a game of Deadline Day Drinking when he signed off on this deal - before downing 4 fingers of Chateauneuf-du-Pape because the team he’s affiliated with came up on the yellow bar running along the foot of the screen. Wenger has subsequently concluded that he "would not have signed [a player with a broken back] if he’d had two or three more days" i.e. if he'd sobered up.  Due to injury the Swede is unlikely to feature within the next month; by which time Ramsey and Wilshere will likely have returned, got injured, and returned again. Arsenal fans can expect to see Kallstrom run out at the Emirates... well actually they can't.

Arsenal are Asia's number 1

Additional good news for the Gooners is that a survey carried out in Asia this week ranked them as the most supported outfit in the region; usurping the red half of Manchester. Arsenal players and fans can now expect a string of Asian pre-season tours in which most of the side suffer chronic gut-rot in an attempt to turn just one of the 50,000,000 shirts sold on the continent into a licensed sale. 

Dreams can come true.

If you have ever cast your eye over the lucky lasses that have secured the presenting posts at Sky Sports you won't have failed to notice that they are... let’s say... pleasing on the eye. As well as the most qualified and competent applicants - obviously! Imagine then heading off the field after collecting a dubious red card, trudging down the tunnel and into the dressing room, only to discover a naked female sports reporter in the ice-bath... and not just any old C*are Baldin*... a Sky Sports presenter!

(the broadcasting
sensation that is Miss Webster)

... sorry what were we talking about, I've somehow lost my train of thought...

... un-strategically placed bubbles... objects sharp enough to cut glass...

... yes, well, erm, anyway, that was exactly the scenario that faced the long-haired leviathan Andy Carroll after his dismissal at the weekend. The presenter in question, Charlie Webster. *Disclaimer - this only happens in other people's lives! If you kick someone during your Sunday league game this weekend you'll just end up sat in a drafty changing room on your lonesome with a teammate's discarded banana-hammock for eye candy.

Breaking News

Finally, I've literally just been told that Rio Ferdinand didn't retire at the end of last season after all... expect to see him grace a telebox near you soon (probably via a re-run of World Cup Wind-ups)

@BobbyCowsill

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

FTBPro: http://www.ftbpro.com/bobby.cowsill

England for the Engl-ish

(The title stolen from a line in a song by the above bastion of Englishness - see http://www.theguardian.com/football/2007/dec/10/sport.comment)

Huzzah, it's the international break again! The sporadic season interval that places an embargo on the usual week-long fixture list of desirable games, in favour of a bi-weekly display by your wilting nation (invariably against the likes of Azerbaijan). The excitement is overwhelming...

Appearing equally effervescent, Roy Hodgson last week announced England's squad for the potentially cringy double date with Chile and Germany, and though it was riddled with a few new faces, much of the squad's composition was as expected; the quintessentially British sounding Rodriguez the exception. But despite the slow evolution of the playing staff over the past 18 months, the new cohort finally making inroads into the "Golden Generation", there's a fear England remain bereft of the technical athletes that their competitors produce in their droves - a number of which may actually be on show at Wembley this week (Gotze, Ozil, Alexis).

Oddly, however, in seeking to address this lack of subtly, invention and verve, the FA seems only to have deepened concerns. To onlookers of English football, some of last month's activities look as desperate as a suburban housewife (or as any lesser-spotted celebrity on "Get Me Out of Here")! Over the past decade there has been a metaphorical revolving door at the FA's offices, new facilities built at St. George's Park, as well as numerous Posh Spice-esque face lifts to the national game; and yet England are still pinning hopes, and expending finite resources, on poaching players primarily qualified for other nations.

The rationale is obvious: improved performances and results in the short-term from the one time World Cup winners - the triumph of 1966 worn like a millstone round the neck; especially given that, despite qualifying for next summer's World Cup festivities, modern history is littered with performances flatter than a size zero model. The Chief Executive summing up the nations expectation levels ahead of Brazil 2014 by proclaiming "2022" a more achievable target (helpful) - in a nutshell, the players are infinitely more likely to return with one of Rio's infamous lady-boy's than any silverware.

There is therefore, a legitimate argument that failure to incorporate the best athletes available to England merely restricts progress further - after all, the ploy of 'adopting' candidates has been widely used in other sports and by other nations to aid success (see England's current Ashes XI or Ireland's World Cup side of 1994). But for many, including myself, the notion of selecting players for the national team via a regulatory loop-hole offers a worrying precedent.

Jack Wilshere's remarks on the possibility of using the FIFA residency rules to qualify Manchester United's Adnan Januzaj, a player who is eligible for virtually every nation except England, spoke volumes. Dressed in a tracksuit (as worn by those from Luton) and looking strikingly similar to Tommy Robinson (that's nothing more than a visual observation), Wilshere announced, "The only people who should play for England are English people... If you live in England for five years it doesn’t make you English".

(Is that Messi in the back of Noel
Fielding's wagon?)

Though doubtless he could have been more careful with the wording of his statement, the crux of the issue is that a national team, by its very definition, is for players originating from the given country only. Henry Winter, writing in the Telegraph, likened the FA's attempts to artificially broaden the pool of players available to England to adopting "the Child Catcher role from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang".

The problem is driven by the blurred essence of Englishness, and who/what constitutes an English sportsman or woman? Most, in a model world, would like to see the boy or girl from their street or their town representing their hopes and desires on the world stage; someone that they can relate to and feel inherently proud of. Depending on your location, ethnic origin, and even economic background, this "model athlete" represents vastly different values. The normative nature of the above guarantees that the answer to the question "what is an Englishman?" will differ hugely from individual to individual.

So, do you rely on place of birth? Do you take a scientific approach that states an athlete's genetic makeup as the defining factor in their eligibility? Adopt a political stance and allow someone who has been an inhabitant of the nation for a certain duration of time? Or, implement the intangible, and allow those who have a passion to represent a given country to participate? The huge amount of maneuverability within these constraints, especially when used in conjunction with each other, highlights the difficulty in installing a one-size-fits-all policy... furthermore I expect almost every reader has a differing preference.

For the viability of inter-nation sports going forward there must be a practical and credible framework. As things stand, the loose application of qualifying criteria, such as residency, leaves the system open to abuse, and thus the incumbent population exposed... What's to prevent players being re-homed in a given nation, 'supported economically', and introduced to the national team set up in due course? In theory there's still time for Qatar to put together a competitive XI!

Whenever nationality/race issues are discussed there is a degree of sensitivity, and this particular debate will be no different (see the media circus surrounding Jack Wilshere's comments). I understand, and empathise with concerns, but I do wonder why the English are so precious about their nationality when it comes to Football. After all, they embraced the successes of a multitude of athletes from a diverse ethnic background in last summer's Olympic games; Mo Farah, Chris Froome et al. Furthermore, the residency rules allowed Deco and Marcos Senna to represent Portugal and Spain respectively, and it would take a belligerent soul to argue their detrimental effect on their countries' progression (I don't think I'm overstepping the mark when I say that Spain are pretty good).

I wonder therefore whether it's the perceived attack on a national institution, or the acceptance of defeat as a footballing force? Let’s be honest, it's hardly a show of strength that the explosion onto the scene of a young Belgian player with no English heritage has even been discussed as a prospective way forward!

Below I have outlined a few sportspeople who qualified for England via a variety of categories discussed above. Where do you feel the line should be drawn? At what point does the makeup of a national team no longer represent its people?

Phil Jagielka -
Born in Manchester, but eligible for Poland through ancestry. Carries a name as British as a sun-tan.

Terry Butcher -

(This iconic image has become the
benchmark by which all subsequent
England players are judged - But is
Terry Butcher English?)

A symbol of England's courage and passion, Butcher was in fact born in Singapore; though he moved to England when he was a child.

Wilfried Zaha -
Arrived on our shores from the Ivory Coast aged just 4. Has 2 caps for England to date.

Saido Berehino -
Passionate about playing for England in the future, the West Bromwich star was moved to the UK from Burundi when he was just 10 years of age.

John Barnes -
the jinky winger and part time rapper was born and raised in Jamaica. His family moved to London when he was a teenager and he subsequently amassed 79 England caps (and a number 1 hit).

Owen Hargreaves -
Born in Canada to a Welsh mother and an English father; Hargreaves opted for England in 2001 (he had never been a resident of the country at that point)

Lewis Holtby -
A Rhineland born midfield player with an English father. Has chosen to represent Deutschland.

Tony Dorigo -
Born in Australia, Dorigo was approached by the FA and asked to postpone his international career for an additional year in order to obtain British citizenship. He subsequently made 15 appearances for England.

Victor Moses -
Although hailing from Lagos, Nigeria, Moses represented England up to U-21 level through residency. He eventually chose to represent the country of his birth.

Adnan Januzaj -
Born in Belgium to Albanian-Kosovan parents, Januzaj is also eligible to play for Turkey and Serbia. He could potentially obtain citizenship and play for England in 2018.

(England's great hope - Wayne Rooney)

Wayne Rooney -
Drafted from a fairy-tale swamp, Rooney has amassed 86 caps (none of which, I have on good authority, fit on his head).

Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule googling naughty 'selfies'...

Please let me have your comments/feedback! I'm intrigued to know what the common consensus is...

BC
@BobbyCowsill
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

If Men are from Mars, Football Clubs are from... OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb

The circus that is the football transfer window finally came to end in early September following an excruciatingly protracted summer of speculation; much of which surrounded the move to Real Madrid of the former face of PG Tips, Gareth Bale.

   

(Above: Gareth Bale in one of his 
more conservative outfits...)

The window creates this fervour amongst fans, many of whom will have stayed up all night, pint in hand, drinking to the well known catchphrases and familiar characteristics of the evening's broadcast... 2 sips if Harry Redknapp is seen talking through his car window, 3 sips for every completed deal, 4 sips if Odemwingie gets locked out of a rival club's premises... each drink proportionate to the likelihood of the respective event... 15 lagers with triple whisky chasers if Joe Kinnear opens his cheque book; et cetera, et cetera. 

Come 23.01hrs on deadline-day evening, some are jubilant, many are tipsy, but most are either underwhelmed or frustrated by their respective club's business. However, even for those with revamped enthusiasm, perhaps your side bagged a Nigel Quashie, is there really any reason to get so excited? Doesn’t the deadline day fiasco just detract from the essence of the sport?

(.. less conservative. Enough
to make Liborace blush!)

Elite level football has become increasingly detached from its roots as commercial interests have taken hold, and the latest suave looking import from the New World, purchased on the final day to save face, may only serve to strengthen this issue. He will wear the precious jersey, kiss the sacred badge, represent the proud inhabitants of a town he's never even heard of, before invariably holding the club to ransom over his desire for an obscene wage increase (ahem, Mr Benteke). In addition, he'd rather spend a romantic evening with Alan Partridge than sign your overpriced piece of memorabilia; despite the fact you've sung his name all evening and then waited in a horizontal downpour for what seems like a fortnight.

And it's not just the players that have arrived on our saturated shores from far flung parts of the globe. The ownership of the Football League's 92 clubs comprises significant shareholdings for individuals originating from over 20 countries, and circa 30% of the clubs are under foreign control; including last season's top 4 in the Premier League. 

It might be the most insultingly obvious statement since Andy Townsend last opened his mouth, but the massive purchasing power and the overall investment that these owners have brought to the league hasn't been born out of the goodness of their hearts; and neither would you expect it to be (especially given the shady backgrounds of a number of the "fit and proper" owners). In the case of Roman Abramovich and Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, they may have sunk vast sums into Chelsea and Manchester City respectively, but in doing so they have thrust their name, and/or their brand, into the global spotlight that the Premiership creates. Football crosses language, cultural and religious boundaries, making it very easy to sell globally and making it a very attractive platform for marketing. Business Sense Magazine points out that though Roman Abramovich may have seen no financial rewards directly from his purchase of Chelsea, “he now has the eyes and ears of the European business world”.  

For others, including Manchester United majority stakeholder Malcolm Glazer, the appeal is more traditional; it's all about the money (and presumably... "it's all about the dum dum duh dee dum dum")... a Premier League domestic broadcasting deal worth £3.018bn over 3 years was signed in 2012, corporate partnerships continue to spiral virtuously, and there's a further £1.13bn distributed amongst those participating in UEFA's club tournaments... more than enough to catch the eye of a savvy investor.

You will note however that these astronomical sums are heavily skewed towards those at the pinnacle of the sport, creating a desire amongst stakeholders for a 'quick fix'. With no natural allegiance to football as a whole, yet alone any sense of belonging to the history, culture and geography of their newly acquired asset, is it any wonder that local/domestic based managers, players and even fans, are so dispensable? 

Manchester City is a prime case study of the evolution in football and the subsequent effect upon the incumbent followers. Having signed an agreement with Manchester City Council in 1998, 'The Citizens' moved from their scruffy but nostalgic Maine Road

(Above: Maine Road in its heyday)

home to the City of Manchester Stadium in 2003. As you would expect, this new stadium is a vastly superior facility, allowing for a greater capacity and increased corporate facilities, but at the expense of the romance of the old ground. As celebrity fan, and full-time sideburns cultivator Noel Gallagher said during an interview with Sky this year, "I miss the look of fear on opposing fans' faces when they've got to trail through Moss Side!".

In addition to the geographical move, the aforementioned takeover of the club by the U.A.E ruling family in 2008, following Thaksin Shinawatra short tenure, has produced a turnover at board level that has been reflected in the fluidity of the playing and backroom staff. Significant foreign appointments are now rife throughout the structure of the club; notably, Director of Football (Aitor Begiristain), Manager (Manuel Luis Pellegrini), Captain (Vincent Kompany) and headline signings (David Silva, Yaya Toure, Edin Dzeko et al). 

The combination of all the above factors leaves Manchester City virtually unrecognisable from the club that the long-term fans affiliate themselves with; what have they got left to support? Granted, unseen elements remain the same, but what's on show publicly differs hugely from the entity they grew up with. City are the footballing equivalent of Joan Rivers!

With the above model replicated to differing degrees throughout England’s football league, it is perhaps no surprise that a number of the traditional match going fans feel distanced, alienated, and exploited.

Sadly, though the old fashioned terrace going fans still consider themselves the spirit of their respective club, their value is diminishing. The disconnection of the game from its domestic working class roots has been a contributory factor in the increase in wider interest. With finances key, the sport has willingly drifted away from the traditional supporters and values, and in doing so distanced itself from the stereotypes that blighted football for a number of years. The new multi-racial, multi-cultural, and multi-economic background of followers, as targeted by clubs, unlocks huge marketing opportunities. This encourages Sky Sports and other broadcasting revenues, which, accompanied by the numerous corporate partnerships, generate much of a club's turnover now. The result... the "armchair" fan is king. A study by C.P. Barros and S. Leach (2006) stated that “an uneven playing field exists...  in which the market leaders, in terms of turnover, appear to be virtually guaranteed of sporting success”. 

(For those of you unfamiliar
with the lavish attire of the Virgo)

In the end though, the habitual and social appeals of the game will retain even the most disillusioned of fans; after all why else would I have cobbled together this piece, and why would you be wasting precious Strictly Come Dancing time reading it? Football has become the 24 hour, 7 day a week, soap opera that is totally inescapable! It's as dramatic as a Hollyoaks Christmas Special, as addictive as any of Pete Doherty’s hobbies, and as glamorous as the shiniest of John Virgo's waistcoats. As a result, we’ll continue to be messed around by fixture changes, deprived of our hard earned cash by faceless owners, and slowly relieved of our sense of belonging by the dilution of the club’s culture... but remain completely incapable of stepping away. Meanwhile the next emerging market will titillate those calling the shots, and football, through the medium of exorbitant wealth, will find an even more distant metaphorical planet to inhabit. 

- Has your club has lost its character and alienated its die hard support?

- Do you feel more should be done to protect the culture of your club?

Alternatively, 

- Do you embrace the overseas superstar and the entertainment they bring?

- Is English football better for embracing change and evolving to fit modern society?

Please leave some feedback and let me know what attachment you have to your club... AND whether the bond can ever be broken.

BC

Twitter: - https://twitter.com/BobbyCowsill

Facebook: - https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

As the Sun Sets on 2012/13...

As another season draws to a halt following the conclusion of the 'notly' anticipated Confederations Cup, the pale crumb laden armchair football fan is again thrust into the ungrateful arms of their loved ones, and/or cast out into the faeces filled countryside, and under the uncharacteristically Viagra blue skies of Britain's summer. And for the terrace going fans (both of them), it's time to swap the lager, Levi's and Adidas Gazelle's for either total wardrobe amnesia courtesy of 307 'Jagerbombs' in Magaluf, OR, for the more discerning fan (Roy Keane's prawn sandwich brigade), don the jaunty boater for a spiffing afternoon at the cricket pitch with Cecil and Montgomery.

But before all this family, great outdoors and sobriety drives you uncontrollably towards hari-kari, lets remind ourselves of how the last 10 months have been passed so pleasurably/tolerably.. (*Disclaimer - I am not responsible for the wellbeing of any masochistic QPR fan who chooses to scroll on..) 

Having outlined a football supporter's plight at this time of year I am reluctant to depress you further... but, in truth, this season's top flight was the greatest procession since every single Formula 1 race meeting at Monaco ever. At the right end of the table, serial champions Manchester United relentlessly ground out results without ever really dominating opponents, whilst at the foot of the league, QPR and Reading put up a level of resistance the likes of which only Paul Jewell or the French Armed Forces would be proud of: -

As a result, and as the table above illustrates, coming into the final Sunday, the only meaningful fixtures were those involving the Champions League aspiring duo of Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur... 

...And as predictably as a child movie star winding up at The Priory, Arsenal's plucky accountant driven outfit came out on top of AVB's Spurs - cue Arsene Wenger's hideously embarrassing over-celebration in which the 200 year old Frenchman squeezed the life out of poor Mikel Arteta ([literally] what had he done!?)

(note Mr Arteta's substitute
issue tracksuit top)

. In the interest of fairness, the justification for such remarkable behaviour was that in ousting their North London rivals, Wenger's Arsenal comprehensively proved the doubting press and public wrong... 
...finishing as they did 16 points behind top of the table Manchester United, and ending the season trophy-less for an 8th consecutive year! B-R-A-V-O. Still, the advancement to this season's knock-out stages of the Champions League, aptly named in Arsenal's case, had an estimated worth of £40m (according to a study undertaken by sponsors MasterCard). If Arsenal's aim is financial stability, and it is plain it is, then the mediocre manner of their qualification for 2013/2014 will be irrelevant to the football phlegmatic Mr Kroenke.

The season then, though splattered with the usual moments of individual genius (think Matthew Lowton strike vs. Stoke (see below)) and the odd multi-goal thriller, eventually something of an anti-climax; especially in comparison to the cardiac busting conclusion to the 2011/2012 campaign!

But it is perhaps not just the predictability of the outcome that will concern the Premier League's global followers...

The quality of the league in general appears to have declined, or at least stagnated, since the heady days of the mid to late 'noughties' - when our domestic game produced 6 Champions League finalists in only 5 years. This comparative decline was played out most tangibly in this season's Champions League where English Champions Manchester City, and the cup holders Chelsea, both crashed out at the group stage; whilst, as stated above, Arsenal stumbled in a first knock-out round which also put pay to the hopes of Manchester United (aided by someone masquerading as a referee).

Possibly buoyed by their own shortfallings during the Premiership's 'glory years' (2005-2009), the Euro-disco fraternity have invested heavily and appear to once again have established their superiority... as Bayern and Real Madrid evidenced in ejecting Arsenal and Manchester United respectively.

But what has changed?

Finances are an inevitable factor. I don't wish to patronise with a CBBC-esque economics lecture, but whilst UK PLC has been bogged down with toxic debts, the 50p tax, and a GDP growth model that emulates the terrain of the Bonneville Salt Flats, Germany [comparatively] has recovered and stabilized following it's own 2009 crash. This apparent monetary advantage has manifested itself in the Bundesliga producing Europe's largest attendances and also generating this year's Champions League Final duo of Borussia Dortmund & FC Bayern. (Bayern laying to rest the ghost of Chelsea 2012 and running out 2 -1 victors in the contest. Just one crown of a hattrick achieved by the lederhosen adorning institution this term)

It is not only the Germans who have seen their comparative spending power against the Premiership increase, however. As I touched on, the rise in UK top rate tax has accentuated the existing issue created by "The Beckham Law", in which non-residents of Spain are taxed at a flat 24%... I must point out, other tax breaks are also available. The result of course is that a UK based entity has to expend vast additional gross wage sums in order to match many foreign based players 'take home' salary. In an era of footballing mercenaries and global materialism, this wage disparity is doubtless a contributory factor in the Premiership's apparent slide.

Furthermore, the all conquering Bayern have brought quality individuals such as Javi Martinez (£35m) & Arjen Robben (£21m) into their respective league without losing the core of their side (Schweinsteiger, Lahm et al), and the two Spanish giants have matched them blow for blow. Whilst in England, the bundles of cash and beautiful weather on offer in Spain (how dare they!?), has led to significant departures from all of the Premier League's elite clubs; think, Cristiano Ronaldo, Xabi Alonso, Javier Mascherano, Cesc Fabregas, Thierry Henry.... Alan Hutton!?

This issue has been multiplied by the decline of former stalwarts of the League; England's supposed "Golden Generation". As Benjamin Franklin didn't quite say, "But in this world nothing can be said to be certain; except ageing and taxes". With time then marching relentlessly on, injuries, retirements, and gradual decline in influence, were all certain to catch up with this exceptional group of players... Let's face it, glaciers could catch up with certain members of this clique now (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gklWJk6z2A0). What perhaps couldn't be foreseen however, was the void in home-grown talent ready to replace the individuals listed below. Of those still playing, each is still regarded as the cornerstone of their club and would likely waltz into their respective national set-up if made available, or fit enough: -

• The opposing captains in the 2008 Champions League Final, John Terry and Rio Ferdinand (the victim of the previous link).
• The Chelsea goalscorer in the 2008 Champions League Final, Frank Lampard.
• Stephen Gerrard, who was Liverpool's captain in the 2005 & 2007 Champions League Finals.
• The Arsenal goalscorer in the 2004 final, Sol Campbell.
• The everlasting Ryan Giggs, who has featured in 4 Champions League Finals (obviously not a member of The Three Lion's "Golden Generation" - though most English wish he had been)
• Notable others: Carragher, Neville, Scholes, A. Cole..

In the absence of young domestic based players to fill the not insubstantial boots of those above, it would be natural to expect the cream of Europe's talent to act as the Premier League's proverbial Zimmer-frame, as has happened historically; cast your mind back to the purchases of Shevchenko from AC Milan, Hargreaves from FC Bayern, and Torres from Atletico. However, rather than stealing away our European competitors prize assets, in recent seasons the headline moves have been between domestic rivals - Nasri, Adebayor, Van Persie, Torres, Carroll et al. The net result of which is twofold: - 1. that the league as a whole is unable to progress, and 2. that the foreign clubs have kept their star individuals and built their stature in the game.

It will be fascinating to see how last season's poor performances, coupled with the extraordinary boost in broadcasting revenue, will effect the purchasing strategy of England's elite this summer... a renaissance may be just round the corner. 

FINALLY
In order to keep to my word, and to prevent the Samaritan's telephone lines jamming, I will follow an age old managerial format and conclude the dismal appraisal with a positive message...

Despite the apparent shortfallings in Europe's premier competition, and the mundane nature of the top domestic league's conclusion, there was still much to capture the imagination this term...

The football league has again been flourished with high attendances, nail biting action up until the season's final aimless punt, the level of managerial turnover you'd expect at a well known fast food establishment, and of course the silky skills of David Dunn... what more could any discerning football fan wish for?
  

In addition, Wigan showed us that the romance of the FA Cup hasn't deceased, like that solitary Wycombe Wanderers or Wimbledon fan in our local would have us believe, and is in fact as alive and as amongst us as Alistair Darling's eyebrows.

Heading into the FA Cup final, the soon to be relegated Wigan Athletic faced the then Premier League 2012 purchasers Manchester City, and honestly, you could name your own odds at the bookmakers if you wanted to back Martinez's XI on your way to the mental asylum.

But with spirit, courage, and even a splattering of talent, Wigan ran out historic victors against a lacklustre City side. The David vs. Goliath feel to the fixture intoxicated all, hence the celebrations in the location I watched the game wouldn't have been more extreme at a Wigan supporters club meet; something that was echoed the length and breadth of England (Stockport aside). 

(where's Wally? John Terry having again played no part
in the European final seen celebrating in full kit
 complete with shin pads, boots, ankle tape, VapoRub,
 captain's armband, Under Armour...
anti-racism wristband)

And finally, after all the aforementioned European mis-adventures, it would be a huge disservice to Chelsea if I did not mention their Europa League success. Having been unceremoniously bumped out of the Champions League, Chelsea capitalised on the fact that 16 of Europe's top sides were participating in another tournament; beat heavy-weights Steaua, Rubin Kazan and Basel; and emulated behemoths Middlesbrough and Fulham by reaching the prestigious final. They eventually ran out 2-1 winners over Benfica to cement their place as one of the top 17 clubs in this continent.. truly epic!

Thanks for taking the time to read my self indulgent blog.. I trust if you're a connoisseur of lists and/or mis-punctuation that you feel it was time well spent.. for everyone else, I send my sincere apologies and refer you to my reading list for an antidote.

BC
please follow at: -
https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/
@BobbyCowsill
http://bobbycowsill.blogspot.co.uk/

Football Obituaries

I should start by explaining that no one relevant was actually harmed prior to the writing of this piece, and that the above title was chosen only to conjure up mild levels of intrigue.  As a result, if any subsequent 'mishaps' are to occur I must point out that they are merely an unfortunate coincidence... 

It has been an extraordinary past month or so in British football - as one would expect at the conclusion of the domestic season - only this time the major interest has actually been away from the island of well pruned grass...

For a significant group of the football following public, especially those 20 somethings, the past few weeks have felt like the end of an era, even the end of THEIR era; Beckham's lob over Neil Sullivan from the half-way line, Michael Owen's wonder goal against Argentina in '98, Paul Scholes' mis-timed tackles, and Jamie Carragher's numerous own goals, weaved into the very fabric of their lives and played out in their anecdotes. Yet, all those mentioned (bar Neil Sullivan) bowed out last weekend; and all in a typically professional and dignified manner.. characteristics that seem all to rare amongst the hard-partying, Ferrari driving, wife-swapping players who now step into their enormous shoes. So, though the players themselves live on in decadent Cheshire mansions, a large portion of British pop-culture died last weekend!

There was however one story demanding the limelight even from the sporting royalty aforementioned! The impending retirement of a man who began his tenure at United when the above detailed fans were still on Farley's Rusks or even just a twinkle in the postman's eye... Step up Sir Alex Ferguson...
The story was sparked into life on the evening of Tuesday 7 May 2013 when rumblings of Sir Alex's impeding resignation leaked from Dunham

(the moment Rooney heard the news)

Forest Golf Club (where United's playing staff were enjoying a day off), enveloped Twitter, and finally washed up in black and white print on the pages of The Telegraph (congratulations Mark Ogden). The inevitable media frenzy that continued throughout the evening and long into the early hours was met by an uncharacteristic silence from the PR machine within Old Trafford - stakeholders had that sinking feeling...

The morning's news would be blockbuster.. Manchester United confirming at 09:17, through their website, that Sir Alex was to hang up the hairdryer and cancel the Wrigley's subscription at the end of the season. Cue football meltdown!

(The Sun's ode to Sir Alex - Thurs 9 May 2013)

The days that followed saw a who's who of association football, wider sport, and politics, paying their respects to a man that has won an incredible 49 senior trophies over an unparalleled 39 year career in Scotland and England: -

"Sir Alex Ferguson's achievements at Manchester United have been exceptional" (PM David Cameron)

"It is the end of an era for a truly great ambassador, not only for the Premier League but for football overall" (Patrick Vieira)

"Well done and happy retirement to Sir Alex. What he has done will never be repeated" (Dietmar Hamann)

"Sir Alex, one of the best managers of all time" (Vincent Kompany)

"A legend and one of the greatest managers ever" (Michael Essien)

"Proud man, great manager, staunch Labour Party supporter" (Ed Miliband Tweeting 25 relevant characters)

However all this lip service, as flattering as it must be, pales in significance vastly when it's compared to the incredible scenes of Sir Alex's final home game in charge; and to the health & safety defying open-top bus parade the following day. They say a picture speaks a thousand words and on this particular occasion I'll shut my proverbial trap as I couldn't agree more: -

*Property of Bobby Cowsill

(There's no United fans in Manchester!)

The pictures above portray the admiration with which Sir Alex is held by the United faithful and the love that they feel towards a man who has influenced their lives so greatly over the past quarter of a century. 

But it's not only United that will feel his loss! The fiery Scot's exit from the dugout will leave a huge void in British football generally; journalists hang off his every word, opposing fans love to hate him, and the esteem in which he's held globally attracts vast interest to the Premier League. In addition, and this MUST not be forgotten.. he introduced "squeaky bum time" to the national vocabulary- Dr Johnson would have been proud. 

Dubbed the "Godfather" of British football: sometimes feared, occasionally hated, but overwhelmingly respected by all; Sir Alex is a one of kind! His legacy, along with those of the players outlined in my opening gambit, will live long with the football masses.. all will be sadly missed! Retire In Peace...

Here's a summary of the great professionals that have left our game in recent weeks: -

• Sir Alex Ferguson - 1500 games in charge of United.
• David "Golden Balls" Beckham - capped 115 times for England
• Jamie Carragher - 737 games for Liverpool
• Michael Owen - I actually thought he'd retired years ago..
• Paul Scholes - "Scholes is a role model model for me.. he's the best midfielder I've seen in the last 15/20 years" (Xavi, Barcelona)
• Phil Neville - has yet to officially confirm that he's hung his boots up but another of Manchester United's infamous class of '92 likely to follow Sir Alex.
• Stilian Petrov - tragic! get well soon Stan!
• Filippo Inzaghi - okay, I went too far! anyone who celebrates like that after a one yard scuff into the net should not be thought of in such high regard..

There are many many more.. so please feel free to add your retiring hero to the comments below! We'd love to hear from you!

Thank you for reading

please follow @BobbyCowsill

or join the facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

David Moyes' Red & White Army

David Moyes agrees a 6 year contract at Manchester United

Finally it has been confirmed, the worst kept secret since the notorious injunction scandal - David Moyes WILL be closing Moe's Tavern to take the reins at Old Trafford. The current Everton boss will step into the enormous shoes vacated, not by Sideshow Bob, but by Sir Alex Ferguson at the end of the season, following the announcement on Wednesday morning that Sir Alex would retire to the plush decor of the Manchester United board room.

(Above: Moyes (left) in deep
conversation with Sam Allardyce (right))

But is David Moyes the right man for such an esteemed and pressured post?

Evertonians will vouch for the stability and economic understanding that Moyes demonstrated during his 11 year tenure on Merseyside, and his departure from Goodison is likely to be met with the sort of anxiety their Manchester neighbours will be feeling about his impending arrival. Consistent top half finishes in the Premier League (averaging 8th), along with shrewd business off the pitch (would you expect anything else from our cousins north of Hadrian's Wall?), the perfect blend for a team whose financial situation under Bill Kenwright has always been a delicate balancing act.

But the removal of the perennial relegation threat, and the bridging of the gulf between Everton and neighbours Liverpool, has not been enough to satisfy all on the blue side of Stanley Park. The void in silverware brought about by profligate performances on the big stage and/or against the traditional "big 4" a constant bone of contention (in 43 away ties against the 3 big clubs, and Liverpool, Everton have won a grand total of zero). In addition, the Toffees rare excursions into Europe have ended more abruptly than an X-Factor[y] winner's career: -

- 2005/2006 Champions League Qualifying Stage
- 2005/2006 1st UEFA Cup Qualifying Round
- 2007/2008 UEFA Cup last 16
- 2008/2009 1st UEFA Cup Round Proper
- 2009/2010 1st UEFA Cup Knock-Out Round

*It is worth noting that included in the results above are a humiliating defeat at the hands of Dinamo Bucharest, and also a 3 - 0 thumping by Sporting Lisbon.

This lack of European success, and the deficiency in exposure and overall experience it has created, is something the Old Trafford faithful will scrutinise over the next few months; especially if Moyes' occupancy has a spluttering start (as Everton's seasons under his stewardship have tended to).

Sadly, and as controversial as this statement may be, Sir Alex's record will be forever tinged by European mishaps - having dominated domestically for 20 years, Manchester United have managed [just] two Champions League successes under the fiery Scot (The Cup Winners' Cup triumph of 1991 pre-dating their domestic superiority).

(Fergie couldn't be happier...
unless it was filled with scotch)

On a standalone basis, two victories in the world's premier club competition is a sensational achievement for a body who had only 1 previous success in 1968. However, when you consider that Chelsea and Liverpool each won a respective Champions League trophy during this period questions have to be asked; a matter exacerbated further when you consider that the last two decades are ill-thought of by those associated with Liverpool. Did Manchester United under Sir Alex Ferguson really 'make hay whilst the sun shined'?

United's near misses still linger on the terraces like the stale air in a care home; as I am sure they do with the outgoing manager.. cast your mind back to the following nearly moments (in no particular order; except chronological): -

• Borussia Dortmund 1997
• Monaco 1998
• Bayer Leverkusen 2002
• FC Porto 2004
• FC Bayern 2010
• 2 x Champions League Final defeats at the hands of Barcelona

In addition, there was this season's disappointing exit at the hands of Mourinho's Real Madrid; Sir Alex's post match reaction the first clear indication that his days in charge of the reds may be numbered.

Having now reached their 20th English League Championship, and comprehensively "knocked Liverpool off their [domestic] Perch", the aforementioned results again turn a spotlight on the clubs natural progression; to overhaul their bitter North-West rival's European record.

The appointment of a successor "cut from the same cloth as Sir Alex [Ferguson] and Sir Matt [Busby]", as Moyes is considered to be (presumably not just because he comes from Glasgow), is the continuation of a project that has seen extraordinary domestic achievement, a focus on youth development, and stringent financial budgeting; but with only a splattering of European glory. Is this enough for an entity that openly presents itself as 'The World's Biggest Football Club' ( presumably putting them on a collision course with the Venky's)?

Taking the above into account, focus may have shifted from national to European competition amongst many of United's fans, as it has amongst top players and much of the media as a whole - perhaps portrayed most tangibly by Arsenal's all out assault on 4th place each season. The installation then of a man with a European CV emptier than a Hollywood movie script begins to show an apparent shortsightedness on Manchester United's behalf - a domestic single-mindedness in an ever increasingly globalised game.

This issue is furthered by enquiries into whether brand 'Moyes' is appealing enough to the calibre of player United are, or ought to be, seeking to employ if they are to progress further in domestic cup competition and on the continent; the likes of Ronaldo, Lewandowski... Ali Dia. On numerous occasions, especially in the high profile, high pressure ties, the 1st XI have come up shorter than Danny DeVito (Chelsea, Madrid, City all this term); and I'm of the opinion that only elite players can rectify this insufficiency. Though the Premier League encapsulates much of the world, David Moyes is a relative unheard of in terms of European and global football, and this is sure to impact on recruitment.

Take Lewandowski as a working example: -
Having scored a stunning hattrick-&-one against Real Madrid in the Champions League Semi-Finals, Lewandowski has been courted by a number of Europe's elite clubs; Bayern, Chelsea and naturally United all heavily linked with him. But with Guardiola 'manager-in-waiting' at Bayern, and Mourinho likely to put pen-to-paper in a deal that will see him return to the club where "he is loved"; does Moyes have the clout to compete? Instinct tells me 'no'. Mourinho and Guardiola are hugely respected figures both with playing professionals and footballing stakeholders in general; the assumption being that silverware is guaranteed by them [albeit at any cost]. David Moyes is seen as a project, risk if you prefer, even by many who should be his most hardened backers.

Of those believers, polls in the lead up to his appointment indicate the majority will be from within the club's inner sanctum; Mourinho the apparent fans choice. This suggests Moyes will be allowed adequate time by those internally, but the acid test will be the fans reaction - a large portion of which will not remember seeing another face in the dugout.. not alone understand the difficulties facing the new man (spoiled as United fans have been under Sir Alex). If on field affairs do not run smoothly these issues could surface quickly and derail the new manager before he's even developed a taste for post match fine wines. Rumours of Phil Neville's impeding appointment as part of Moyes' backroom staff may help to alleviate a degree of this pressure however.

It is worth concluding by pointing out the glaringly obvious: - The appointment of David Moyes is not the rash, panic move of a desperate board, but the implementation of a long standing contingency plan. It is common knowledge that Sir Alex enjoys a strong relationship with David Moyes which has seen the elder statesman provide advice and counsel in the past. There may be numerous worries surrounding the appointment, a selection of which I have detailed, but in Sir Alex, David Moyes has an influential ally, and the prospect of a partnership between the two could be formidable.

In addition, the presence of numerous former players throughout the club, and a settled behind the scenes outfit from grass-roots to boardroom level, means all the infrastructure is in place for a seamless transition and the resulting success.

Expect a period of transition given the mass 'changing of the guard'...

1. Sir Alex Ferguson's Managerial retirement
2. David Gill's resignation as Chief Executive 
3. Paul Scholes' impending retirement take II 
4. and the probable exit of Wayne Rooney given his transfer request and the 2008 libel action between his publisher and Mr Moyes over comments made in Rooney's biography. 

....but these are factors any 'newbie', including Mourinho, would struggle to overcome. Patience may be required, but that might just be Manchester United's greatest attribute.

The king is dead (well he isn't), long live the king

@BobbyCowsill