GROUP D - England/France/Sweden/Ukraine

After England’s comfortable win over Sweden last night, they remarkably find themselves on the brink of qualification to the knock out stages; needing only to avoid defeat against co-hosts Ukraine on Tuesday (they'll probably still snatch defeat from the jaws of victory).

(Don't fret ladies, I believe he's available)

The first of England’s 4 points was banked with a credible draw against a French team consisting of, what certain connoisseurs in the industry call, ‘top top players’; Nasri, Benzema, and the always picturesque, Franck Ribery (see right), to name a few.

Joleon Lescott headed the game’s opening goal, connecting with England captain, Steven ‘Steeeeevie Gerrarrrrrrd’ Gerrard’s expertly delivered set piece. The lead was short lived however, tom-boy Samir Nasri silencing the English faithfully, and the French critics, by smashing a superb equalizer past clubmate, Joe Hart, from 20 yards.

The second half lasted about a fortnight, or at least felt like it did, as England, employing the much maligned ‘Chelsea tactics’ (why not Rangers 2008, or Internazionale 2010?), successfully stifled the waves of French offense.

Elsewhere in Group D, co-hosts Ukraine got their competition underway against, what I assume was, a Zlatan ‘the workhorse’ Ibrahimovic, and Ikea/ Volvo/Eriksson combined 11.

Needless to say, Ibrahimovic scored for Sweden; but Ukraine answered back immediately, former Chelski spectator, Andrei Shevchenko, bagging a dramatic pair.

(Konoplyanka & Shevchenko celebrate Ukraine goal)

The Ukrainians didn't fair so well in their 2^nd group game however; losing 2 nil, to current group toppers, France, in a game that officially lasted longer than AVB’s Chelsea tenancy!

(Fans embrace the weather
& each other... could
almost be 'The Notebook')

The match got off to a bang, quite literally; as the first clap of thunder momentarily interrupted La Marseillaise. This proved to be a warning of what was to come... with the ball in play for only a few minutes, the heavens opened; and subsequently the thunder returned. So not to distract us all from the aerial spectacle, and some la-de-dah about health and safety, referee Bjorn Kuipers ushered the players from the playing surface. Cue the party! To a soundtrack provided by the ‘fat’ rain from romantic comedy films, coupled with deafening rumbles of thunder; and a visual of fork lightning piercing the sky overhead; fans began to conger, sing, embrace, remove clothes, and even mimic swimming in the puddles - a quite breathtaking ensemble.

Once the cylindrical wall of rain (see right) inside the stadium had subsided, some football did break out. France eventually running out 2 nil victors, following a quick fire double scored by Menez, and Cabaye, respectively.

The final fixture in the group was the aforementioned 3 – 2 hiding England dished out to bogey team, Sweden.

Having led 1 nil through long haired, and long limbed striker, Andy Carroll’s powerful first half header, England proceeded to give all their associates a fright early in the 2nd... 2 set pieces; both met by former Aston Villa caveman, Olof Mellberg; both bundled into the net.

As an immediate response, England’s only surviving charisma donor, Roy Hodgson, replaced the tireless James Milner with sprinter and aspiring footballer, Theo Walcott.

With 64 minutes on the clock: Isaksson first denies John Terry with a superb instinctive save, but from the resulting corner, the ball is only half cleared by the Swedes... falling to Walcott on the edge of the box... his powerful effort is deflected off Seb Larsson and arrows into the net – 2 all.

And Walcott wasn’t finished, surging past Larsson and Olsson, before crossing for Danny Welbeck to complete England’s come back. Real time didn’t do justice to Welbeck’s finish; taking the ball at waist height, and slightly behind him, he managed to twist, and deflect the ball off his heel and into the net – surely a nomination for goal of the tournament. 

So, after all the excitement, Group D looks like this: -

Team	Pld	W	D	L	GF	GA	GD	Pts
France	2	1	1	0	3	1	+2	4
England	2	1	1	0	4	3	+1	4
Ukraine	2	1	0	1	2	3	−1	3
Sweden	2	0	0	2	3	5	−2	0

England and France are now clear favourites to progress; but the top 3 all have their destiny in their own hands. Sadly, however, Sweden have now flat packed their team hotel, filled their lunch boxes with Surströmming, and refuelled the Volvo team bus.

BC
@BobbyCowsill
Facebook Group: ''if that had gone in, it would have been a goal"

*Additional Group Reports to come shortly..