Diving, Simulation, Schwalbe...

(possibly a misleading picture given that this is how homo sapiens fall naturally)

Diving: it's a highly regarded national obsession during the Olympics in August, yet as soon as the football season kicks off a week or so later, there's national disparagement... no wonder certain Premier League amoebae are confused.

The consensus amongst the UK public (or so The Sun says) has always been that diving, as well as other disgraceful facets of the modern game such as passing, defending, and finishing, was imported by the influx of foreign players into the national game; and that occurrences still concentrate around certain nationalities. I appreciate that this is true to an extent *cough, cough, Portugal cough, cough*, but before we get all high and mighty and begin harping on about The Empire, recent events indicate that the plague has spread; PG Tips promoter Gareth Bale, penalty extraordinaire Ashley Young, and Bambi impersonator Danny Welbeck, all involved in high profile cases of alleged cheating. Furthermore, former footballer Michael Owen (some of you may remember him) has openly admitted going to ground easily on two separate occasions. In his recent interview, Owen states that, "I have been guilty [of going to ground] as well. I played at the 1998 World Cup [for England] against Argentina and I was running flat out, got a nudge, went down. Could I have stayed up? Probably". In addition, Owen remarks on the adjacent World Cup of 2002, saying, "Then four years later Collina gave me a penalty against Argentina. Again, I could have stayed on my feet".

(I hope and pray I will be too)

I doubt in light of Owen's comments that he will be vilified in South America the same way Simeone was in the English segment of the UK, following THE Beckham incident; yet the respective crimes are comparable. Moreover, I don't expect any major national out pour of emotion, or any overzealous headlines (see right for an example), following Owen's revelations; especially given the importance of the resulting goals to the English population... cue xenophobic chanting.

And it's the double standard that these Owen admissions evidence, that has marred the clean up campaign. The BBC write up, attached below, praises Owen and revels in the national team's result. Perhaps if the fans, press, and associated players, turned against the offender rather than congratulating him, or refused to celebrate any subsequent penalty conversion, then diving would soon be irradiated. But can you really imagine this happening? After all, a hollow victory is still a victory! (Ask any Celtic fan in May 2013 OR see Liverpool vs Chelsea, Champions League 2005).

Given what's at stake, both financially and in terms of accolade, the pressures to achieve at any cost are mounting. The difference between success and failure is minuscule, and any competitive advantage that can be gained may result in disproportional benefit. Reverting to Owen's exposure (which has nothing on Erica Roe's), the attached article highlights the importance of the result that his 'dive' generated: - http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport3/worldcup2002/hi/matches_wallchart/argentina_v_england/default.stm

If players are being externally influenced, then responsibility must rest on the club officials and football's governing bodies to stamp out the phenomena. Referees are clearly the first line of defence, but given that professional football is played at such an intense pace, by full time athletes, largely in their 20's, it is no surprise that referees, who are one Harley Davidson away from a mid-life crisis, make occasional (frequent) mistakes.

To be fair, the standard of refereeing in the top flight of the English game is generally high. HOWEVER there is still blame to be apportioned to the on-field officials; after all, by their very nature, dives are supposed to be seen by the officials (as amusing as it would be, there aren't going to be many off-the-ball dives), and yet time and again the wrong assessments are made.

I am not going to concentrate on these incorrect decisions in this blog though; as aforementioned, in real time, the incidents can be indistinct. What I do wish to touch on however, is the tendency to award free-kicks or penalties only in the event a player hits the turf. Conversely, it's the failure to punish the offence when a player stays on his feet, what we now call "being too honest", that may have progressed the issue of diving further. Simply put, it's a natural succession for players that believe they must go to ground, to fall if they feel impeded; or even to anticipate the contact and throw themselves (see left).

(Replays subsequently showed that
a blade of grass had been left uncut)

It may therefore be advantageous in the fight against 'simulation' to implement the advantage rule in a fashion similar to that of rugby (better known as 'egg-chasing' - for those overseas: it's like American Football only for men). The rugby model allows play to develop following an infringement, and should no significant advantage be gained, then affairs are pulled back for the original offence. In this instance, the incentive is always for players to stay on their feet and seek an end product; knowing full well that any subsequent failure will bring play back - thus effectively giving the player two chances. Again, pressure will fall on a referee to acknowledge the foul, despite a player maintaining his footing, as well as to interpret the rules and events correctly; but it could lead to improvements.

Though any application of new law, such as that detailed above, could be contentious, the revision of the severity of punishments for those caught diving would have mass appeal. As things stand, the offence is penalized by a free-kick to the opposition and the brandishing of a yellow card - possibly the biggest let-off since OJ Simpson (allegedly)! What's more, this proverbial slapped wrist only applies to those players that are sighted at the time!

(an 'off-the-ball' incident involving
Carlos Valderrama (oh.. apparently a very
conservative side parting...))

Many experts in the field (pun intended) have therefore suggested the use of video replay and resulting action. The referee's report and subsequent FA reviews have been instrumental in the reduction of violent offences carried out when the referee's back is turned (see right), and the scope of these responsibilities could easily be widened to incorporate simulation. Catching the offenders more regularly may curb behaviour alone, but when used in union with fitting punishment, would surely generate a beneficial outcome...

Clubs and players are no longer deterred by fines, given their financial muscle, whereas retrospective bans in line with those for violent conduct, could affect them significantly; especially given the influence a number of serial offenders have on their club sides: - the likes of Suarez, Nani, Torres, and Daley. This post match penalisation could even be extended to points deductions for repeat offenders, in an attempt to internalise the pressures further.

As a parting thought, contrary to my previous advice, and founded mainly on nostalgia; the FA/UEFA match reviews could always be scrapped entirely... The removal of these 'eyes in the sky', would allow the laws of talion to prevail once again (Don Revie could finally rest in peace); "an eye for an eye". If each team's 'Joey Barton' was able to seek retribution, either in the middle, or in the tunnel, following displays of cheating, then these 'go-down-if-someone-in-the-stand-has-flatulence merchants' would soon think twice... it worked in the 70's and 80's! In addition, the return of the good old fashioned off the ball scuffle would disperse the activity over a greater area of the pitch, thus improving allocative efficiency, and increasing entertainment in general... motion forwarded?

Clearly the statements above are simplistic overviews of a complex issue but certain facts still remain: -
1. diving in professional football is prevalent.
2. present punishments are not acting as a deterrent.
3. given the importance of football financially, culturally, and historically, cheating should not be tolerated.
4. facilities are in place to tackle the problem but they are not being utilised effectively.
5. continuous feigning of injury could cause a genuine medical issue to be overlooked.
6. there was once a footballer named Michael Owen.
7. Tom Daley's 'budgie smugglers' are far too skimpy.
It is my opinion therefore, that it is imperative the FA, in conjunction with UEFA, are proactive in eradicating this unsavoury side to the beautiful game by introducing fresh measures... (just Tweet me Mr Bernstein).

Here are a few examples of 'ALLEGED' diving for those who are completely lost (It's a mystery how Matthew McConaughey keeps getting roles when there's talent like this out there... (in fact it's a mystery full stop)): -

(Above: Gamst Pedersen)

(Above: Busquets - one of her many many offences! #BarcelonaFCmaskmyinability)

(Above: Rivaldo - Hakan Unsal, football salutes you)

(just one more time...)

Do you agree that further action is required? and if so, what would you like to see implemented? Let me know your thoughts via Twitter, Facebook or leave a message at the foot of this blog... FYI logical and irrational ideas will be treated with equal disdain.

In addition, please contribute your favourite/least favourite acts of simulation.

Thanks for reading... please share the article if you endured it.

BC
Follow me on Twitter: - @BobbyCowsill
OR join my facebook group: - http://www.facebook.com/groups/262906063816351/

EPL - Relegation Candidates

(It's just been announced that the BBC have commissioned a further series of  Dancing on Ice)

As things stand, teams which receive the fewest points suffer the dejection of relegation to the Championship (the obvious name for the 2^nd tier of English league football)... and worse still, the subsequent trip to Millwall. It's worth noting that the relegation phenomena is likely to become extinct in due course - probably following consultation with some wishy-washy, parent & teacher society types, that hold more sway than good old fashioned common sense, and who feel that the effect of public failure on young, Ferrari driving, Miss World fondling, males is too great. For the time being however, let's embrace relegation (like Leeds United fans have) and discuss the likely candidates: -

WEST HAM UNITED
Literally nobody's favourite cheeky cockneys have returned to the top flight following a variable season in the 2nd tier; this time under the guidance of the equally popular, unusually christened, pass & move repellent, Big-Sam Allardyce. The Hammers bring with them a proud history of football related mischief, and on the rare occasions football actually breaks out, a track record of exciting and/or legendary players; think Bobby Moore, Trevor Brooking and Paulo di Canio

To carry the mantle for the next generation, Big-Sam has added the likes of Jarvis, Benayoun, and of course Andy Carroll, to a playing staff already containing Kevin Nolan and 'goal of the season' contender Matty Taylor. With this calibre of player on board, a proven Premier League manager at the helm, and that ruddy 'blowing bubbles' song ringing round the compact Boleyn Ground, I'm sure West Ham will have enough to establish themselves as a Premiership club once more.

If all else fails, Hammers fans can soften the blow with hospitality 'Wilson Pickets', and ten 'Richard Gere's' with celebrity fan Ray Winstone, or Russell Brand, or Ross Kemp, or Lee Hurst, or Danny Dyer, or John Cleese, or James Corden, or Richard E Grant, or Billy Bragg... that's a supporters club party I must attend!

NORWICH CITY

Despite being the epitome of the domestic goddess, Delia has lost her man to some lowly has been, from the not so prosperous Aston area of Birmingham. Lambert's now rumoured to be chomping down on a reheated Tikka-Masala; a bitter blow to Delia no doubt. The man drafted in to lift Delia's melancholy, the popular but largely unproven Chris Hughton... or at least he's popular for now; it won’t last if City lose 5- 0 to another mid table side as they did on opening day.

Their second clash was an intriguing affair against QPR; and it must be said neither side looked Premiership quality on the back of heavy first game defeats. The final score was a goal a piece and in all honesty both sets of fans were relived just to get their points tally off the mark.

A late equaliser by the fabulously named Snodgrass, an off season acquisition from (dirty) Leeds United, salvaged Norwich's most credible result of the 2012/2013 season so far - a one all draw with a much changed Tottenham Hotspur.

Given these inconsistent results and the infantile position of the season, it's difficult to predict Norwich's final league position; however the common belief is they're likely candidates for the relegation dog-fight. Personally, I am concerned by their lack of fire-power, and also by the onset of '2nd season syndrome'. A squad of now seasoned Premier League players, should, in theory, generate improved performances, but without the excitement of last term, and the momentum carried forward from promotion, they may struggle to reproduce at the same level... especially given the aforementioned exit of manager Paul Lambert.

WIGAN ATHLETIC

Martinez is STILL the manager of the Latics, despite having to install a PO Box address specifically for job offers. Given the teams that he has reportedly turned down in the last couple of years, it can be concluded that he either adores pastry imprisoned meat, or he's holding out for the Real Madrid job. Either way, someone's loss is most definitely Wigan's gain.

Wigan embark on this new campaign without a number of historically influential figures: Rodallega, Diame, and most notably Moses, have all departed for pastures new; with Kone brought in to address the forward shortage.

Not surprisingly then, the Latics start to the season has been underwhelming, the highlight a characteristic win against fellow strugglers Southampton; 2 - 0 the final score. And it's this ability to get results at the right time, cast your mind back to giant killings against Manchester United and Liverpool at the tail end of last term, that I predict will propel Wigan Athletic to survive again... watch for a 6 - 5 home win against Villa on the last day of the season, and survival on goals scored... cue the inevitable pitch invasion, in which some enormous fan wearing his team's shirt like a boob-tube falls flat on his face negotiating the advertising hoards; and Martinez gets lifted on high by the invading fans, before being presented with the dishonour of 'Freedom of the borough of Wigan'.

QUEENS PARK RANGERS

It doesn’t seem to matter who takes to the pitch in QPR colours, their results are erratic. Afterall, their personnel turnover is rivaled in history only by that of the Red Army in WWII, yet the club's results have not reached any sort of equilibrium.

This characteristic has generated a side that is often a treat to behold, given the number of goals they score, and the lorry loads that they ship at the other end. But it's this fragility mentally that worries me (and worries the purists (whoever they are!?)). Clearly signings such as Julio Cesar, Park Ji-Sung, Esteban Granero, and Jose Bosingwa add much needed quality and experience but I fear the mid- 2000's may phone at any moment and ask for their players back.

In addition, can players such as these reproduce the top performances QPR desire after taking such obvious backward career steps? Cesar was previously at Inter, Park at Manchester United, Granero at Real Madrid, and Bosingwa at Chelsea; yet they must now train as hard (if not harder given their age), and be as committed on the pitch, when the goals are no longer major trophies but narrow wins against the Premiership's lesser sides.

Given the above, I estimate QPR will survive by a whisker, on the back of their new stars' professional pride... but nothing at QPR would surprise me! (except a run of steady 1 - 0 wins)

ASTON VILLA

Following a dire campaign in 2011/2012 which saw the Villans finish 16^th, score a miserly 37 goals, and bore anyone who saw them into a vegetative state, it was no surprise to see the anti-footballing Mr McLeish replaced by the considerably more adventurous Paul Lambert. Lambert must have felt given the historic status of the Birmingham based club, the vast support, and the frugality of the previous season, that he was on to a sure thing...

Four games in, and two defeats later, the enormity of the job in hand must now be all too apparent. Having lost the curtain raiser to West Ham by the odd goal, they were then comprehensively thrashed by an in form Everton outfit at the end of August. September's fixture against last year's surprise package, Newcastle United, will have made the international break that bit more relaxing for Lambert; and their recent win over little Barcelona (Swansea) has eased pressure further.

But... The squad, despite suffering with injuries/illness (get well soon Stan), looks weak throughout; and unless reinforcements can be found, it could be another eye-sore of a season at Villa Park.  It will be surreal to see a top-flight bereft of former European Cup winners Villa, but I do fear this could be their farewell tour. I watched them on numerous occasions last season, and I can honestly say they were the most gutless side in the league; and as the table portrays, fortunate to avoid the drop. Unless Lambert can find some of the magic that propelled Norwich to safety in 2012, I just can't see this squad turning it round... especially without Emile Heskey!

READING

Sporting a pair of uncompromising centre forwards (Pogrebnyak & Roberts), and more importantly, a rather dashing kit, Reading fans have every right to be hopeful about survival.

The problem is, no side in the history of the league has stayed up or bagged silverware on the grounds of aesthetics, (Tevez simply wouldn't win a thing) or mindless optimism.

The league table, as it stands, reflects the above; Reading sit 19th and are yet to win a game, despite what really is a handsome jersey. In the Royals defense their start has been a tough one; commencing with games against Stoke, Chelsea, and Tottenham; and they have also played a game less than the teams around them.

Despite this, and despite the aforementioned pairing of Pogrebnyak and veteran Roberts (I was at his 50th celebration last January), my gut instinct is they'll be back in the Championship in 2013/14... note to self, must get my hands on one of those shirts.

SOUTHAMPTON

It’s great to see the Saints return to the top division, though it is bit of a shame they aren't playing at the battered up old shed they called 'The Dell' anymore. Just the name gets football fans all misty eyed these days; reminiscing of goal machine Ostenstad, part-time nose farmer Le Tissier, and obviously Ali Dia (http://www.heavensports.com/football/curious-case-ali-dia/)... not forgetting 6-3; grey strips; and Souness' moustache.

Promoted sides usually carry momentum, and to a certain extent Southampton have; sterling performances against the two Manchester giants evidence of this. But unfortunately they have no points to show for their efforts. More worryingly though, have been displays and results, against Wigan, and latterly, a pasting at the hands of Arsenal. They desperately need that first home win if they are to turn things around, and Saturday's game against Aston Villa could be crucial.

It shouldn't be ignored that they have excellent infrastructure and some quality individuals (Ramirez, Lallana, Lambert), but unfortunately for Saints fans, their demotion to The Championship is the most predictable event since child star Lindsay Lohan went off the rails and wound up on the pages of Playboy... how we all eagerly anticipate the meltdown of 'The Saturdays'.


Here is the foot of the table as I predict it will look come the end of May: -

14	West Ham United
15	Norwich City
16	Wigan Athletic
17	Queens Park Rangers
18	Aston Villa
19	Reading
20	Southampton

*Please note, Liverpool probably should be in there somewhere..

Thanks for reading

BC

@BobbyCowsill

Facebook group, "if that had gone in it would have been a goal"

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PREMIERSHIP 2012/13 - A Forecast

The start to the 2012/2013 Premiership season has begun in the same surprising vein as the Olympics departed in – the epic hype, an escalating budget, and the weather forecast predicting doomsday levels of precipitation; somehow producing an Olympics which was, well... superb (how very un-British! We’re far more comfortable when things are just a little bit crap (see British Leyland)).

With this in mind, followers of certain clubs will certainly be feeling content with their inauguration; the likes of QPR and Norwich both slumping to heavy opening day defeats. Conversely Swansea City fans will be rather embarrassed by their start... how crass it is to win in such style.

Having studied the prospective squads, and taken account of the differing fortunes of the competing entities thus far, I have formulated my prediction for the coming season and my rationale behind the irrational.

      

Here's how the top of the table could have turned out (until I predicted it) (the rest of the table can be found in my subsequent blogs so keep an eye out for your side) : -

Position	Club
C	Manchester City
2	Manchester United
3	Chelsea
4	Liverpool
5	Arsenal
6	Everton
7	Tottenham Hotspur
8	Newcastle United

MANCHESTER CITY

Roberto Mancini may have an English vocabulary comparative to Tinky-Winky, but he’s certainly grasped the English art of moaning; most of his summer frustration aimed at Sporting Director, Brian Marwood, over the lack of transfer activity - Marwood proving a rather safer target than chairman, and signatory, Khaldoon al Mubarak.

Despite the whinging, City have a wealth of talent; the confidence that comes from being incumbent champions; and have still spent in excess of £10m on Jack Rodwell. In addition, there were further acquisitions on transfer deadline day; including, Fiorentina’s Nastasic, and the completion of Scott Sinclair’s protracted transfer from Swansea. The picturesque Carlos Tevez has also returned to Manchester (once the air-stewardess and Zabaleta finally persuaded him to get up out of his seat) and has started superbly; picking up the opener in City’s tussle with Southampton, and the equaliser against Liverpool last weekend.

With all these factors in mind, it’s difficult to see past City in the 2012/2013 race for the title... The strength in depth and ability to spend in January if required, meaning that City will doubtless be the bookies favourites.

Their rivals will be focusing on their weaknesses though – City’s play can be rather one dimensional at times; narrow and patient, yet there were times last season when City fans were crying out for plan b (though I’m not 100% sure what his unique amalgamation of song and rap could have done to influence events). The departure of Adam Johnson to Sunderland could possibly highlight the lack of natural width further, as well as highlight Mancini’s single minded approach.

MANCHESTER UNITED

Manchester City’s rivals from just across the Atlantic could well prove to be their sternest on field test. The Manchester Red Devils have added to last year’s roster by drafting offenseman RVP (as their Designated Player (probably)), quarterback Kagawa, cornerback Buttner, and rookies Powell and Henriquez.

At certain stages of last season, Rooney’s points (goals and assists) carried United, and winningest Head Coach, Sir Alex Ferguson, will be hoping that Van Persie can ease this burden by repeating the stats that saw him earn the “Rocket” Richard Trophy in the 2011/2012 season. 

In addition, Kagawa can not only sell condominiums full of jerseys in the Far East (site of a great US victory between 1955 & 1975), he has also proved in pre-season that he has an eye for a pass; and therefore that he could be the creative spark in the neutral zone that United have missed in the past few seasons.

Kagawa got his full debut as The Reds went 0 & 1 in a disappointing opening match-up with the Toffees; a soccer match dominated by Fellaini. The Reds did recover against Full-Ham however, and new signings RVP and Kagawa netted in a 3 to 2 win; RVP’s dunk an awesome volley from just inside the 18 yard line. The win was however marred by a bogus injury to strong-arm centre, Rooney. 3 league points so far but more to come...

After all, United struggled in certain regular season fixtures last year, as well as all 4 knock-out trophies; and this was at least in part due to lacking the marquee names in the first line - no one doubted the squad as a whole, but the 1st team didn't match-up against some of their rivals. It’s clear though that RVP and Kagawa strengthen that team sheet substantially; and with the rookies to bed in, defensive lineman Ferdinand and Evans to return, United are almost certain to improve. Expect to see Fergie’s men in league contention right up to the wire... before 2 overtime markers deny them. O-M-G, enough already!

CHELSEA

If you’re an expensive foreign footballer, you’ve been linked with and/or signed for Chelsea during the summer break: - Hulk, a pair of Hazards, Schurrle, Dempsey, Azpilicueta, Van Der Wiel, Falcao, Marin, Oscar... Santi Munez. Which of these names has actually signed on the dotted line is known only by Mr Abramovich; we can safely assume Roberto Di Matteo had nothing to do with it.

I have seen Eden Hazard run out for Chelsea though, and very impressive he has been too – directly contributing to 5 of Chelsea’s 8 goals so far this season – leading to whispers around the Bridge that only Eden Hazard’s ego is greater than his ability.

Despite huge concerns over the lack of options at centre forward following the departures of Drogba and Lukaku, a factor that I predict will prevent them actually winning the title this season, their squad does look strong and therefore they can’t be written off entirely.

 In addition, their ploy of playing more games than all the other Premier League teams looks on paper to be bomb-proof; they already find themselves 3 points clear having implemented this.

LIVERPOOL
Former football team Liverpool, have once again changed their management in the hope that their mediocre squad miraculously grow perms and tashes, slip into some tiny shorts, and relive the 80’s. Brendan Rodgers the latest man through the revolving door at Anfield; an alarming choice of entrance given the area’s reputation.

Having started abysmally against West Brom; losing 3 nil! Rodgers’ philosophy of ticky-tacky football was far more evident against City last weekend. Obviously their display was no Barcelona or Swansea, but the performances of Joe Allen and Raheem Sterling will be very encouraging to the scouse faithful.

Unfortunately however, the change of mind-set was also Liverpool’s eventual downfall against City; Skrtel gifting a back-pass to the lovable Tevez when attempting to retain possession.

IF Rodgers can instil his beliefs into the playing staff, Liverpool fans can expect to see some entertaining football at Anfield this year; and finally see some better results. I personally think they’re some way adrift of the aforementioned 3 outfits and are therefore locked in a battle for that precious 4^th place spot and Champions League qualification - especially given the lack of players into the club this summer, when compared to the exodus out.

It's likely to be a ‘do or die’ season for Liverpool, expect to see them either riding high or in no-mans land. Personally, I anticipate them shaking off their poor recent form and excelling under Rodgers' guidance... just not this year.

ARSENAL

Returning to my theory that Brits are happiest when things are mediocre, there must be every chance that Arsenal fans are the most content individuals in the country. After a somewhat lacklustre performance against Sunderland on the opening day, in which they created very little, Wenger’s much changed outfit took the Megabus (there are other bus services available) to Stoke-on-Trent. The outcome of their 2^nd fixture was a similarly flat performance. In fact the majority of the action was on the terraces, where t-shirts had been printed up by Stoke City fans mocking the Arsenal boss, and sporadically throughout the 90 minutes both sets of fans did the ‘Wenger’ – an exaggerated shrug/arm wave that is sure to be a dance-floor sensation. 

So, two games into the new season and two nil-nil draws against mid table sides; hardly top 4 form. There are positives for Wenger to take though; defending has become Arsenal’s Achilles Heel over the past few seasons, yet the usually fragile back five have yet to concede a goal. In addition, new boy Santi Cazorla has been very tidy in possession, as you’d expect from a Spanish attacking midfielder, and given time to gel with the other new bodies around him, could prove to be Arsenal’s pivotal player.

It cannot go unmentioned however, that Arsenal have allowed another key figure to leave the dressing room. Following the departures of Adebayor, Toure, Clichy, and Nasri to Premiership rivals; and Fabrgas and Song to Barcelona; last season’s top marksman Van Persie has now said a frosty farewell to the Emirates and signed for Manchester United - If the opening games are anything to go by, RVP will be much missed... Giroud. Donkey. Arse. Banjo... spring to mind.

The lack of goal threat, and the general slump in club morale, is the reason I feel Arsenal will finally miss out on Champions League qualification this season - following on-field failure expect to see Arsenal Holdings PLC employ numerous overpaid consultants before deciding there's more money to be made in other market sectors.

EVERTON

True to form The Toffees have had a slow start to the new season; taking a full 57 minutes to find the back of United’s net in a 1- 0 win - The scorer, 8’ 5” Side Show Bob doppelganger, Marouane Fellaini.  The result was no more than Everton deserved from a dogged, well organised display in which the aforementioned Fellaini tormented the Red Devils.

This form was then carried into last weekend’s game at Villa Park, in which Moyes’ men took apart a hapless Aston Villa. Evertonians could barely believe their eyes as their side cruised to a 3 goal advantage at half time; the pick of the goals a ‘worldy’ (appealing to the lowest common denominator there) from Pienaar. So impressive was the first half performance that the usually dower David Moyes pointed out to the BBC that, “I don’t think you’ll have enough viewing time to show all the chances [that were created in the first half]”. 

With Fellaini in such rampant form, Pienaar reinstalled on a permanent basis, and a number of 11th hour deals on deadline day, things are looking rosy in the blue corner of Stanley Park. In addition, the possible resolution of a long standing centre forward scarcity means for the first time since Cadamarteri, Jeffers, Ferguson, and Madar, Everton commence the season with a number of available and/or quality centre forwards at the club; see Jelavic, Naismith, Miralles, Vellios, and Anichebe (I must stress the “available and/or quality”).

I have predicted a final position of 6^th but given the scouser’s ‘form’ there’s every chance they’ll steal a position higher up.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

Player’s Manager of the Year nominee Andre Villas Boas has taken over the Tottenham reins from the squeaky clean, Droopy the Dog impersonator ‘Arry Redknapp. Unfortunately for AVB, the team’s inauspicious start has already forced hoards of fans onto the phone-in’s to question Mr Levy’s pick.

The opener was a 2 – 1 defeat at the hands of Les Geordies, and game 2 a goalless home draw with an un-fancied WBA side.

In spite of these flat results, and the concerns of numerous fans about Modric’s departure and AVB’s arrival, I believe like last year Spurs will again push hard but probably finish just shy of Champions League qualification. Multiple deals on the final day, including the purchase of Lloris, and Dempsey (proven international players), can only solidify Spurs as a top 4 chasing side, but I'm afraid I too remain unconvinced by AVB’s management style. An essential part of modern club management entails the motivation, and extraction of respect from, the overpaid egomaniacs that call themselves the playing staff (despite the fact the majority never play and thus have yet to achieve anything in life); however, I’m dubious of AVB’s ability to shine in this department (see Chelsea). He may well have an astute knowledge of international football and tactics, but will he provide the right guidance to propel Spurs? I doubt it...

NEWCASTLE UNITED

Given that magpies are so partial to shiny objects, Newcastle have been alarmingly profligate; their last piece of silverware the Fairs Cup in 1969. Despite a sterling performance last season and a solid start to this; a 2 - 1 home win against fellow 4th place aspirer's Tottenham Hotspur the highlight; it's a certainty that Newcastle United will be without the illusive league title for a further year.

This comment is however worthless, as Pardew's Foreign Legion will be aiming for European qualification primarily; with potential for success in a domestic cup competition.

The squad has been strengthened slightly by the acquisitions of Anita et al; but their great transfer success has been the retention of Ba, Tiote, Cisse and  Coloccini. Though Cisse is unlikely to repeat his stunning form of last season, there is no doubt that in their two Senegalese forwards Newcastle have two of the best in the business. The aforementioned names will surely fire the Magpies to another respectable season; though I predict the wave of momentum that carried them to near Champions League qualification will not be repeated this term.

Thanks for reading

BC

@BobbyCowsill

Facebook group, "if that had gone in it would have been a goal"

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Team GB

German cuisine, canned laughter, Sergio Busquets, the Euro, the Isle of Wight, consistent weather, people who push in, Skoda, modern ‘music’, foreign languages, re-branding, health and safety regulations, foreplay, and Olympic football; are all facets of life that the average Britain has turned his/her back on.

Certain factors have tried to entice the Brits round - Bratwurst, Friends, Las Ketchup, Rosetta Stone, and Aviva’s ‘Greeeeeeen Arrrrrrrmy’ adverts to name a few - but it is likely that only the splendid victory over the French in the bid for the 2012 Olympics will ultimately succeed.

The entry of a Team GB into this summer’s Games, the first appearance since 1972, is sure to provide the English with an antidote to their Euro 2012 failure; and present the Welsh with a rare chance to challenge for international honours - in an event that doesn’t involve an all male choir. For these reasons alone, expect Olympic football to move into the realms of ‘mildly interesting’.

(For those non-Scots...)

Sadly this may not apply to Britain’s most northerly third, whom following Andy Murray’s withdrawal for a severely ruptured ego, have no representatives within the Team GB Olympic football squad - another summer of caber-tossing, golf and Buckfast in the park awaits then.

Stuart ‘Psycho’ Pearce’s omission of any Scottish players is bewildering on a number of levels; namely the alienation of a huge slice of Britain, and the further expression of the Anglo-centric opinion that Scottish players are inferior goods - Bannan, Forrest and Rhodes can all feel rightly aggrieved about their non-consideration.

Still, this potential flash point pales into insignificance against the exclusion of former footballer, full-time celebrity, and soon to be Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, David Robert Beckham.

(Left - Capello, Right- Postman pat)

Following the announcement in early June that Beckham had been included in the provisional squad of 35 players ‘going for gold’, I think many, including myself, felt his inclusion was a mere formality. Beckham had been a focal point of both the 2012 Olympic bid, and the unsuccessful World Cup bid, and thus the Games was billed as the perfect swansong for the former England Captain – having been somewhat unceremoniously dumped by Postman Pat double, Fabio Capello, in 2009.

Stuart Pearce however, being the man that took the helm for a solitary England game and selected his own captain (I’m not saying he’s egocentric), thought otherwise; choosing instead to take Craig Bellamy, Ryan Giggs, and Micah Richards as the over 23 year old contingent.

There is clear logic behind the inclusions of Welsh duo Bellamy and Giggs - nationality, availability, and their ability to play on the left-hand side all contributors – but man-mountain, Richards, place is more contentious. Not many parties doubt his ability (despite a hideous tackle in Team GB’s defeat to Brazil), and he could be considered unfortunate to have missed out on a place in the senior squad for Euro 2012, but he has a promising international future ahead of him... Beckham’s last chance is now.

With David Beckham you don’t just get a footballer, you get a brand... It’s that sprinkling of stardust that makes the Olympics so captivating; think Bolt, Phelps, Cavendish, and Eric the Eel. Although there is no ‘footballing reason’ why ‘thunder thighs’ shouldn’t attend, economically it is nonsense.

On 18 July 2012 the London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games withdrew 500,000 tickets for the football; with only 250,000 to be redistributed. Based on the fact the majority of removed tickets are for the ‘cheap seats’, at a price of £20 (and not including associated consumer expenditure), that’s a revenue loss of circa £5 million. With ticket purchase so slow, the Olympic football tournament is crying out for a crowd pleaser like David Beckham, and frankly I doubt even Micah Richard’s family will bother turning up to witness him in the lavish new Team GB strip.

Beckham is a ready-made billboard, and the Olympics will suffer from his exclusion... not to mention all 5 tax paying members of the public.

It should be noted however, that despite all this talk of finances, David Beckham should not be written off as a footballer; in fact, his argument for inclusion on ability alone is compelling. Tournament football is about moments - Welbeck’s back heel against Sweden, Balotelli’s stunning 2^nd against Germany, and Alba’s lung-busting run and strike for Spain; all key to their team’s success in Euro 2012 – and what better dead ball exponent in the world is there than Beckham? (bar Juninho Pernambucano, Pirlo, Cristiano Ronaldo, Rogerio Ceni (GK), Sneijder... Ian Harte (apologies’ for the display of pedantry)).

In addition, whereas the rest of the GB squad is betwixt fixtures, David Beckham is in the height of LA Galaxy’s ‘regular season’... meaning fitness is unlikely to be an issue. His form has been strong too, having scored three times in the MLS in his last two outings (granted, even Heskey could score in the MLS); the pick of the goals coming against the Portland Timbers (see below). 

As a final thought, will Giggs and co be giving it their all? Will they be over exerting themselves? Piling into 50/50 challenges? I very much doubt it given that the new Premier League season is on the horizon. David Beckham would doubtless have given everything for the cause, and that may well have made Team GB a more formidable outfit; at least more steely – something that Friday night’s performance, be it in a friendly, severely lacked.

Still, putting disappointments aside, the 18 men who will represent Team GB in their quest for a bronze medal will be as follows: -

Jack Butland (Birmingham), Jason Steele (Middlesbrough);

Ryan Bertrand (Chelsea), Steven Caulker (Tottenham), Craig Dawson (West Brom), Micah Richards (Manchester City), Neil Taylor (Swansea), James Tomkins (West Ham);

Joe Allen (Swansea), Tom Cleverley (Manchester United), Jack Cork (Southampton), Ryan Giggs (Manchester United), Aaron Ramsey (Arsenal), Danny Rose (Tottenham), Scott Sinclair (Swansea);

Craig Bellamy (Liverpool), Marvin Sordell (Bolton), Daniel Sturridge (Chelsea)

Let’s see if their performances can change the British mind-set towards Olympic football for the future. 

Thanks for reading

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BC

@BobbyCowsill

Facebook Group 'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal' (don't mix up with a similar fb page)

Links: -

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/olympics/news/9405536/London-2012-Olympics-500000-football-tickets-removed-to-ensure-full-stadiums.html

THE ROUND UP (12 July 2012)

I must begin by offering my insincere apologies for the lack of topical football based literature released on this blog over the past fortnight. The excuse being that I have been indulging in my other great passion (no, no!); music! The concoction of having to splurge a briefcase full of cash on grossly overpriced drinks, stand on tip-toes until my calf muscles spontaneously combust, and having to snorkel through the mud/overflowing sewage cocktail, takes some time to oust from the system. For those of you who are interested, or feigning interest (the group in which the Portuguese national football side provide their life lessons), my latest escapade took me to the undisputed home of music to scream along with seminal indie outfit The Stone Roses.     

(hoggers!)

During the aforementioned realisation of my dream, Spain were busy realising their own; namely lifting the The Henri Delaunay Trophy aloft for the second consecutive time. The one sided final eventually culminating in a 4-0 defeat for the scandal tarnished Italians... for the record, there were no peculiar own goals, no sliced penalty kicks, and no suspicious sending off’s (in minutes ending in ‘6’ or otherwise) as was envisaged in my “Group C” blog of June 17.

    

What was foreseen however was much of the reminder of the tournament - the Spanish victory itself; England captivating their audience for the obligatory 2 out of the 4 weeks; the Dutch implosion; Balotelli’s numerous childlike tantrums; the French bowing out ungracefully; the UEFA endorsed camera-persons (probably men) filming virile female fans rather than the football; and sadly, the unsavoury scenes off the pitch. Europe, in hindsight, could have saved itself a great deal of fortune, and the majority of us, avoided much heartache. Still, it did give us Europeans something to focus on other than finances; and on a personal level, I didn’t have to watch the insufferable ‘deal or no deal’ for an entire month.

The ease at which Spain brushed aside Italy and once again proved to be Europe’s premier football team was breathtaking. Their unparalleled pool of talent perhaps most evident when you scrutinized the absentees from their European Championship final starting XI – most notably, Chelski duo Juan Mata and Fernando Torres; Athletic’s Manchester United tormentors, Fernando Llorente, Iker Muniain and Javi Martinez; and Barcelona’s injured twosome of Carles Puyol and David Villa.

This further triumph by Spain, begs the question, “are they the best national team ever?”. As exponents of pass and move (tiki-taka) football they are surely unrivalled, but defensively, and in terms of cutting edge, they have occasionally been questioned. Consider then the following entities as possible alternatives: -

• World Cup 1970 winning Brazil – Pele, Carlos Alberto, Jairzinho, Tostao, Gerson, & Rivelino; need I say more! (see below)

• Rinus Michels ‘Totaalvoetball’ Netherlands team of 1974  - despite losing the World Cup final to rivals Deutschland; Cruyff, Haan, Rep, van Hanegam & co, changed the landscape of football forever (Spain are mere copy-cats).

(Great football team, but most importantly; a quite fabulous kit)

• France 1998 to 2000 – blessed with talent such as Zizou, Terry Henry, and the eternal Thuram; and benefactors of Monsieur Barthez's lucky slaphead; the French were bound to capture the World Cup in ’98 and the European Championships of ’00.

• Berti Vogts’ Scotland of 2002 – 2004. Herr Vogts’ Scotland began with a solid 5 nil defeat at the hands of France, and went on to achieve numerous other credible results; the most memorable were as follows: - South Korea (1  – 4), Faroe Islands (2 – 2), Holland (0 -6), Wales (0 -4), Hungary (0 – 3), Moldova (1 – 1), and home defeat to Norway.

(Andy Selva - scorer of THE winning
San Marino goal - canonized in '02)

• That special San Marino side of 28 April 2004 that scored a genuine, real-life, actual, valid, undeniable, goal against Liechtenstein... and went onto claim their only ever victory!

• 11 April 2001 ‘Socceroos’ – this VB/XXXX powered Aussie outfit pipped American Somoa 31 – 0 during 2002 FIFA World Cup Qualification.

TRANSFER PORTION

As well as evidencing the quality of certain national teams, Euro 2012 also drew the eyes of the world onto certain talented players – most the everyday fan were aware of beforehand, but a few rose to prominence during the tournament. The same principle must have applied to those loitering characters that operate in the shadows, only occasionally surfacing to tell their gaffer that they’ve spied some bona fide talent (that the You Tube generation identified a decade previous); scouts!

Following the various scouts reports to hierarchy, a number of transfers have ensued. Former ‘Super’ (I understand he was relinquished of this title by Balotelli’s 2^nd against Germany) Mario Mandzukic’s transfer to FC Bayern in a deal worth circa £8 million, the highlight of the post Euro ‘scramblies’ so far.

Fellow Croatian Modric also looks likely to move following a sound Euro 2012; having caught the eye of Real Madrid’s scouts. Modric is expected to announce his intention to swap the sodden city of London, for the ever so slightly brighter Madrid, to new boss AVB within the next few days. This transfer will bring estranged partners Mr Mourinho and his protégée AVB back into contact - for the sake of the kids I hope the transfer doesn’t push them further apart. On the field, Luka Modric will add further invention to Real’s already crafty midfield of Alonso, Kaka, Ozil and Granero.

(Look-a-likes - Mourinho (left) & AVB (right))

Mr Mourinho’s philosophy of flooding the side with creative players, then playing defense first football, seems to be shared by Mr Di Matteo at Chelsea. Having wrapped up the signatures of Marin and Hazard, to add to the serving Mata and Lampard, Chelsea have now seen numerous bids for like minded players rejected – the latest flirtation being with another young German, Andre Schurrle. Looking at recent history, the fee, though undisclosed, is likely to be in the region of £400bn + costs.

Meanwhile, Manchester United have been busy distancing themselves from the cynical accusations that Kagawa’s signing is merely as the token merchandise salesmen for the ever growing Asian market; by immediately going ahead with the sale of their other Asian asset, floppy haired, work-aholic, Park Ji-Sung. The South Korean legend joins Mark Hughes’ tepid revolution at Queens Park Rangers.

And finally, the worryingly gangly midfield shooting ace Sigurdsson, has made his loan move to Swansea permanent... wait, sorry, he nearly did; but he’s actually decided to follow his previous boss Brendan Rogers to the home of the Beatles and car robbery; Liverpool. Oh, I’m hearing he hasn’t done that either... it’ll be Tottenham Hotspur for Sigurdsson next season! Unless a newer, more fashionable, model comes along before August 31...  

BC

@BobbyCowsill

FB GROUP - 'if that had gone in it would have been a goal'